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The T.A. Report

Multi-talented Nigerian senator tries to evade arrest after watching Black Panther

Multi-talented Nigerian senator tries to evade arrest after watching Black Panther

ABUJA (The T.A. Report) — Dino Melaye, senator representing Kogi West Senatorial District and multi-award winning stuntman and drama king, has tried to evade police arrest, reportedly after watching Black Panther.

His second wife, Alero Melaye, told the T.A. Report that he has not been the same after finally watching the record-breaking movie over the weekend.

“You know Dino is naturally a dramatic man. But his condition worsened after he watched that film called Black Panther at least four times on Saturday and Sunday,” she said.

“Since then, he has been shouting ‘glory to hanuman!’ and ‘wakanda forever!’ in the house. He thinks he is living the life of one superhero. I told him to snap out of it, but all my attempts to restore sanity have proved futile. You are a great singer, dancer and comedian, I told him, but don’t think you have superhuman abilities.

“When the police surrounded the house, he said I shouldn’t worry that he has just ordered a vibranium suit from Amazon, and his boys were on the way. So I was not really surprised when I heard he later jumped from the van to escape from arrest.”

One of the security operatives present at the scene also said he suspected something was off when the senator crossed his arms to form an ‘x’ at the point of arrest.

“When we told him to freeze and submit himself willingly for arrest, the senator refused to extend his hands,” he said. “Instead, he crossed them like a Wakandan and shouted at us, ‘I never freeze!’”

Unfortunately for him, Melaye could not sustain the script as he became immobilised immediately following the jump and could not leave with his supporters as planned. Reports have it that he has been admitted and is now recovering speedily at Zanklin Hospital, Mabushi, Abuja.



Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … But, on second thought, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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