From Our Allies

‘Daddy Magu, we are sorry!’ 

First, your groundbreaking discovery on ‘kovid-one-nine’ is, no doubts, compelling and indelibly etched into the sands of time. All thanks to you, we now know that corruption is the cause of the pandemic. You needn’t be adorned with a lab coat, neither did you go through the troubles of conventional scientific research, you solved a global mystery before anyone could say Jack; a feat deserving of a Nobel prize.

From Our Allies

Truth to God, elections in Nigeria are more orderly than examinations 

Orderly elections are not alien to us in Nigeria. We’ve seen it happen over and over again. We’re even tired of seeing it — so tired that we have a steady decline in PVC collection rates and voter turnouts in every election year. One can even assess — in advance — the level of peace by giving attention to the words of the Umbrella and Broom people. They have been exchanging words of peace with each other as the elections beckons.

From Our Allies

LAW 101: Introduction to being an ideal law student 

The first thing you should learn in the faculty are legal maxims. Maxims are usually in Latin. An example is ‘Nemo dat quod non habet’. In law, maxims can be likened to the proverbial palm oil with which words are eaten. You need not understand nor know the meaning of the maxims. Spice your words with them, especially when you are in the midst of non-law students. Make sure to keep them in the dark during conversations with them. This is to guarantee and increase their respects for you.

From Our Allies

Satire 404: Navigating the Twitterverse 

Post stuff like “I’m new here. Show me around” or “Twitter do your thing” to gain new followers. Share your handle on influencers’ posts. Join ‘follow trains’. Have a crazily-weird crafted bio on your profile. Buy followers if you must. The veracity of your opinions and the credibility of your personality are now measured by the number of followers you have on Twitter.

From Our Allies

Why rapists aren’t so bad 

A lot has been going on lately on social media; everywhere has been tense. A girl was raped in a church and almost everyone got angry and started making absurd comments. Anger is a very valid emotion to feel, but the thing about anger is it removes one’s ability to think and make valid decisions. There is another perspective to this rape thing people aren’t looking at.