I Cum in Peace

Sinzu Money finally writes to Imam of Pieces 

My name is Sinzu Money as you have rightfully guessed and I’m the president of the rotten giant of Africa. Google that, beesh! For weeks now, since the break out of COVIK-1-9, you’ve turned me, my able office and country into a Twitter punching bag, hitting us from both sides. I don’t know if it was boredom or, as my wife has said, it was the hole in your brain.

From Our Allies, Lamentations of an Egbere

Two thousand and twenty proverbs for a governor’s son 

An alagba once admonished that “the masquerade that tries too hard to usurp his master by showing off his dance steps on the express shall be jammed by a Dangote trailer.” Our people say that “it is the desires of every father to have his son better him in life and accomplishments”. Without any iota of doubt, the governor wants his son to be better than he could ever be.

From Our Allies

Nigeria Airways of blessed memory 

The causes of his death are still very much prevalent, but in a more toxic form, yet, they were planning to resurrect him again. They said Nigeria Airways will fly by December 2019. I guess they’ve used it’s wings as collateral for one of those loans they intend to collect. Or they’re not aware it’s already 2020. Iranu yii sha!

From Our Allies, Lamentations of an Egbere

A tale of two presidents and two celebrities 

If my tale conveys little or no sense to you, please pardon and bear with me. It is the sign of the end times that we live in — dubbed the 5G and COVID-19 age. Nothing is making sense again as common sense has contracted the coronavirus pandemic in Nigeria from a Chinese contractor, upon reporting at the facility that treats the disease, he was sent home for lack of bed space.

From Our Allies

Dear Republic of China | Fatima Damagum 

We know that this infection originated from you people, but we Nigerians, have a forgiving spirit. We forgive you for what you have done to Italy, Spain and France. We even forgive you for what you have done to that country headed by that Blonde man who called us a ’shit hole’ country. We forgive you for all these atrocities because of our long and beautiful relationship. Except for the cancellation of the Premiership league and our yearly Umrah; I am not so pleased with that.