From Our Allies

Nigeria: Sixty but [not] faulty 

Only an ingrate will have no justification to give thanks on behalf of our dear country. I mean, since our fiftieth anniversary in 2010, God has preserved your life and eyes to see six ASUU strikes, three NLC strikes, devaluation of the naira from 156/$, a surge in importation of talents from Nigeria to oversea, a mushrooming population of poor people, thus, making us the world’s poverty capital, a proliferated unemployment rate, a surge in mortality rates due to insecurity, a country as united as the blades of a ceiling fan, and many undeniable glories of selfish and poor leadership.

From Our Allies

“I have never received bribe all my life” — Ameshi to sue Magun for plagiarism 

From my sources close to the Honorable Minister, I can authoritatively tell you that when news broke out Wednesday that Mr. Magun uttered words during a meeting with the press on never receiving a bribe in his life, the honorable minister was left flabbergasted, utterly astonished, and vowed to fight like every struggling Nigerian out there to protect his verbal properties.

From Our Allies

Nigerians’ letter to daddy and mummy 

On behalf of every Nigerian, we want to say thank you to our Daddy and Mummy—UK and US—on whose shoulder we will always stand until we’re old enough to be truly independent. It’s not that we’re that reckless to get out acts together, we are just being subservient to our father and mother. Only a bastard child will not heed to his parents’ instructions. Nigeria will never be one.

From Our Allies

A comprehensive guide on how to act straight 

I’m well too, just that I’ve been ruminating over what you said the last time we talked: “I’m on WikiHow reading an article on straight-acting.” I vowed not to reply until I found you some help. To make this happen, I had to examine the trail of ash you’re leaving behind for people to see, and browsing your Facebook profile and your Medium articles on self-discovery, the bells started to ring: “This boy is CLEARLY gay! This boy is clearly GAY!”

From Our Allies

How to woman your man 

Today marks my 25th wedding anniversary. Twenty-five years that I have lived with my man. This longevity I celebrate today only came as a result of my unflinching assertiveness. From my reservoir of experience, I will be sharing a few lessons with you. Lessons that if you adopt, ladies, your marriage will be just as lengthy—if not lengthier— and merry.