Punocracy

… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our AlliesSociety

How to thrive as a Nigerian: A practical, comprehensive guide

Nigerians will accord you some respect when you go about with your bottle, sipping the water in bits. Never be in a hurry to drink everything at once, no matter how thirsty you are. When you are about to talk to a friend, open up and have a sip. Make sure there’s always at least a quarter of the contents left, at which point you can drop it inside your car. That is more honourable. 

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From Our AlliesSociety

Alert! GWR, Nigerians are plotting to fill up your book of records.

Even our prominent president reportedly set the pace in sign-a-thon. Apparently, to prove a point, Mr President hit the ground running by signing four bills in two weeks! The president deserves an accolade and a certificate of excellence as, perhaps, the first number one citizen to achieve this feat. Though a critic ridiculed the achievement by saying the bills are low-hanging fruits, I think it is deserving of a medal from no less than the GWR headquarters.

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From Our AlliesSociety

Understanding the fuckening, and how to survive in four easy steps

In this country, you are never short of bad days. Live here long enough and you’ll realise that you don’t even have to do anything to catch a bad day. It will fall on you like the Money and Banana that Davido promised Chioma. Take it from someone who’s had an immeasurable number of bad days. I’ve seen enough to write a book on it. But what we’re not going to do is sit and mope over bad days, no. We don pass that. What I will be showing you is how to survive one or a couple of bad days.

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From Our AlliesSociety

The story of Masaka’s two electricity supply lines

Phase Eleven is generous to a fault like politicians during campaigns itchy for the people’s votes. The staff rarely harass or trouble its consumers for light bills and it is certain that there would be electricity during festive periods. Periodically, they supply ‘apology light’, which is to say they leave the electricity on for hours and hours until we begin to grumble.

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From Our AlliesSocietyUnsolicited advice

5 guys you should never fall for as a smart Nigerian university chic

Is it not just food? Is there anything wrong with giving food to someone you like and care about? My dear sisi ekos, there’s nothing wrong o, ko si wahala kan kan. All I’m saying is that to an Alajeun, you aren’t just being nice and caring to the boy you like. You’re his meal ticket, he is very much aware of whatever games he is playing with you. He is only in contact because you are his food bank, your contact is probably saved as “Priscilla Bukka,” “Ada Food,”  “Zainab Canteen,” or maybe even “Olori Jeun Je Je.”

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