… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
Get married: Let no one deceive you, if you plan to remain single for a long time or even forever, then you must be ready to entertain snide remarks and different shades of marginalization all through your days. As long as you live in these climes. It really doesn’t matter if you make history as the first female rocket scientist to ever come out of the country.
Today marks my 25th wedding anniversary. Twenty-five years that I have lived with my man. This longevity I celebrate today only came as a result of my unflinching assertiveness. From my reservoir of experience, I will be sharing a few lessons with you. Lessons that if you adopt, ladies, your marriage will be just as lengthy—if not lengthier— and merry.
Our students are the golden eggs. Although, they still have to dress in those tightly fitted uniforms. They still have to read (or pretend to read), and be secondary school students just this last time. They still have mathematics to write on Monday. “Nothing to worry about, the good Lord works in mysterious ways.”
The idea of sitting out a topic one has little knowledge of should never resonate with you. You see, social media conversations are unlike other types. You’re likely going to be chiming in your viewpoint amid tens of others who may or may not know quite a few things about the hot topic.
We gained independence in 1960 from the British, but we’re about to be recolonised by the Chinese. It’s only a matter of time before we’ll all become Nigeria-born Chinese because of the unquenchable love of our hardworking leaders for Chinese loans. After squandering what benevolence has brought to our domain, they resort to borrowing.
I have finally been revived by the amazing intervention of two Pepsi bottles passed into my body through drip at the Maitama Hospital. And I know it is high time I came forth to comment on all that happened before the investigative committee on the 20th of this month.
Mr President sir, it is because of this that we believe that distracting them will be the best option to douse the tensed atmosphere of the nation. You know Nigerian youth, sir, when you called them lazy, you were right and only being factual sir; they will forget their clamours and agitations as soon as there is something to entertain them. They will forget their pitiable conditions and get so absorbed in the ecstasy of their temporary eldorado.
First, your groundbreaking discovery on ‘kovid-one-nine’ is, no doubts, compelling and indelibly etched into the sands of time. All thanks to you, we now know that corruption is the cause of the pandemic. You needn’t be adorned with a lab coat, neither did you go through the troubles of conventional scientific research, you solved a global mystery before anyone could say Jack; a feat deserving of a Nobel prize.
Orderly elections are not alien to us in Nigeria. We’ve seen it happen over and over again. We’re even tired of seeing it — so tired that we have a steady decline in PVC collection rates and voter turnouts in every election year. One can even assess — in advance — the level of peace by giving attention to the words of the Umbrella and Broom people. They have been exchanging words of peace with each other as the elections beckons.
Amidst other questions their naive officers need answers to, the DSS also needs some advice on how he was able to transfer funds abroad via a third party. For only he can do these things, and there is no one like him. No. Don’t say the bush meat has caught the hunter. Say the bush meat volunteered to enter the hunter’s pot.
