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The Rogue Lawyer

Vision 2020: Death by Taxation!

Vision 2020: Death by Taxation!

2020 is around the corner and guess what? The Nigerian government is going to tax us all to death. The taxman is coming for us all!

This notion is particularly reinforced by the imminence of the Finance Bill, 2019 which was presented to a Joint session of the National Assembly by Daddy Bubu for hearing. You see, ordinarily, what the National Assembly does when a bill is to be introduced like that is that the bill is first introduced in one of the two houses who deliberates on it before it is passed on to the other house for deliberation. But ko si oil money mo, our leaders have finished embezzling it all and they need an alternate source of income to keep the cash flowing.

Thus, from 2nd January, 2020 which is the proposed implementation date of the law, all Nigerians both old and young, fat or skinny, employed or unemployed must have a tax identification number (TIN) unique to them alone; associated with their bank account numbers. So if you know you don’t want your money to enter voicemail within the period it will take you to obtain your TIN, biko, send me a dm, I’m selling Kolo at affordable prices. After you buy your Kolo (from me of course) go to your bank, withdraw all your money and keep it inside the Kolo; strategically placed under your bed. Can the Government tax what it cannot see?

I know a number of you alaigborans will be doing orikunkun now and be asking jamb questions like why should you pay tax. Why should you pay tax when you’re already providing for yourself what the government should provide for you with the tax money? Because:

Electricity – You have generators and inverters which you bought with your own money to generate power for you and where the government even deigns to provide the light for you gan, you contributed money for meter and transformer which they have still not installed after seven years;

Water – Your State does not even have a water corporation talk less of providing you water. You have been providing potable water for yourself since 19gbogboro from the wells and boreholes you have dug for yourselves;

Security – Your adugbo has a baba you pay every month your “tax” money to burn tyres in the middle of the night and walk all around the neighbourhood in the name of securing your lives and properties from men of the underworld.

Even the roads they claim to fix gan are a challenge. You have more potholes than you have roads. You and your neighbours particularly those of you that live in Lekki have made it your civic duty to fix government’s road for them simply because; that your small muscle which you have hustled to buy because you cannot be fighting Agbero every day to enter smelling Danfo, due to the poor public transportation system must see road to at least go and mark attendance inside traffic.

In a nutshell, you are your own government, Vision 2020 ti lazzdent and believe me you, I totally understand. Afterall, am i not a Nigerian like you?

But if you will hear my own, ti e lo’n so yen. This is Nigeria, and your concerns no matter how legitimate, are not valid. Come 2nd January, 2020; God willing that the Government has its way, it’s either you have your TIN or you have your Kolo. Ko si oro I did not know there.

Awon Oloyinbo ma’n so kini kan; “a word they say is enough for the wise” ni won ma’n pe. A word they say is shey kini?


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I am the Iconoclast, the first rebel, the first revolutionary.

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