10 January 2018

Ojo Aderemi, President of the suspended Students’ Union of the University of Ibadan, is to blame for the power outage in Mellanby and Tedder Hall, says a statement from the Vice Chancellor, Professor Idowu Olayinka. In the brief statement, which was made public very early on Wednesday, the Vice Chancellor asserted that he has reliable information pointing to Mr Ojo and his cohorts at the National Association of Nigerian Students as those behind the power cut in the two halls.

He wrote: “The attention of the University has been drawn to the recent power cut, which is affecting Kenneth Mellanby and Lord Tedder Halls. It is rather unfortunate that that 200-level student of History, who has been growing impudence where beards are meant to be, will go to this extent in trying to shame the University. I have it on good authority that he, Ojo Aderemi, colluded with his rascal-friends at the so-called National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS) to orchestrate this mischief.

“It is our belief that they are using this as a form of propaganda to desperately bolster their point that life on campus is unbearable and to instigate peace-loving students of the University to protest the lack of power and water, and possibly even the suspension of the Union.

“However, we remain resolute on the objective that nothing is going to disrupt the school calendar any longer. Even if Jesus returns today, we will plead with him for time to finish with our examinations. That is how much we love our students. We cannot spend 15 months on a session that is supposed to take only 9 or 10. We hereby plead for calm and assure members of the two halls that we are on top of the situation. We are equally working on making power stable across the University. Thank you.”

When The T.A. Report contacted Ojo Aderemi for his view, he said he has not seen the statement, and added that if it is true, he will have no choice but to respond adequately through an intellectual rejoinder.

“In all my years on this campus, I have never seen a Vice Chancellor as dramatic and paranoid as this. One would think I am having an affair with his wife to deserve this level of distrust. Rather than attack the many issues on campus, he is occupied with throwing libellous allegations about personalities, especially mine. Please tell him that I have no hand in the unfortunate power outage,” he said.

Meanwhile, Philip Olatinwo, a student of the University who was expelled the previous year, has asked for the Vice Chancellor to resign in a comment on his post on Facebook. “Is Mr Vice Chancellor suggesting that he is incapable of ensuring the safety of lives and property on campus? Including items as crucial as power cables? If so, then I suggest that he resigns and hands over the office to a more proactive leader. We cannot have this!” he wrote.

 


Caveat: This piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of any person’s credulity or mischief. Please, do not take us serious. Yet again, maybe you should do just that.