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BREAKING: UI to change name to University of Intolerance

BREAKING: UI to change name to University of Intolerance

Soon, Nigeria’s premier university, University of Ibadan, will seize to be called its name. Plans have been set to change its current name to the University of Intolerance.

This move is contained in a memo signed by the Vice Chancellor of the university, Abel Olayinka, a copy of which was obtained by Punocracy.

The memo says the decision to change the school’s name is to reinforce the stance of the school’s management on protest or any form of criticism or public engagements.

It is coming against the backdrop of the outgoing week’s suspensions slammed on students who were said to have led a “peaceful protest” in May, 2017.

“Be it civil or not, all forms of criticism are prohibited in this great university of ours,” the memo states.

“Students are, henceforth, expected to comply with the decisions of the school, be it that they like it or not. Since the school won’t do anything that is against the interest of the students, we do not expect them to question us whenever any action is taken by us. It distracts us. After all, they are of limited academic, age and cerebral maturity to discern right from wrong.

“Any student who defaults risks suffering the same fate as Ojo Aderemi or Asiwaju Ibrahim and co — or worse. We mean it. This is why we plan to change our school’s name to University of Intolerance. Plans to bring this to life are intact.

“This means zero tolerance for all forms of critiques. Zero tolerance for press freedom. Zero tolerance for intellectual engagements. Zero tolerance for complaints. Zero tolerance for critical thinking.

“Thinking otherwise is against the student matriculation oath, and it has as punishment either of suspension or rustication.

“We won’t fold our arms, watching a bunch of beardless inexperience undergraduates drag our years of academic experience into the muddy water of disregard. Let it be clear: whatever thought comes from us is the best anywhere. It is flawless. This is why Nigeria is where it is.

“The vision of our institution is to mould law abiding citizens who respect constituted authorities. Not ones who rebel against power, either by protest, ill-mannered articles, or even social media posts seen to be challenging the management.”

It is unclear, however, how the school’s mantra “recte sapere fons” — for learning and sound judgement — will matter if there is no room for asking critical questions by members of the school.

It was further mentioned in the memo that the nation has to be careful in the kind of youths it breeds. It cited the uprisings in “Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Venezuela, Algeria, and just this week Sudan, are examples we need to fight against.”

“Parents are, therefore, advised to monitor their wards more to prevent them from losing their studentship.”

Although the school’s declaration centres around students’ criticism, it is not public knowledge yet what plans the school have for criticism coming from the staff quarters.

Report has shown that no session passes in the University of Ibadan (or University of Intolerance) without any or both of the staff Unions going on strike. Yet, the report adds, the management has never suspended any union member for staging a protest.

To change the name of a federal government owned university is subject to ratification by the Federal Executive Council (FEC).

Caveat: This is a work of satire. Names or anything that has semblance with them, persons, wise or otherwise, offices, high or low, authorities, constituted or unconstituted, are as a result mixture of the author’s imagination and inspiration from Above, and any semblance of actual persons, far or near, organizations or body is the handiwork of Mr Coincidence. You have been told. Don’t say we haven’t!

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I, Bayode Otitokoro, fell in love with the truth from childhood. My mantra is: in an unjust society silence is a crime. With satire, I will clad my society in the attire of sanity.

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