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The T.A. Report

UI management says overflowing drainage on Mellanby hall road part of Love Garden

6 April 2017

The Deputy Vice Chancellor Administration, Professor Emilolorun Ambrose Aiyelari, in response to calls to unclog the drainage just outside Kenneth Mellanby Hall, has said it is actually part and parcel of Gamaliel Onosode Garden, popularly known as Love Garden.

In a bid to find out why the school has not done anything about the blocked drainage and waterlogged road, The T.A. Report placed a call to the Professor. He explained that there is nothing to worry about as the situation was actually planned by the university authorities.

“Oh no, you have got it all wrong. The development on that road is deliberate. You see, unknown to most people, since the garden was created, we have always thought that something vital is missing. But we could not place our finger on it. Thankfully, last year, it hit us – a spring! How can we claim to have a garden without a spring? Silly, isn’t it?

“So we thought of having a fountain there, but the school Bursar said this would be way too expensive. Besides, it is not easy to sustain these kinds of things in a university such as ours. Take a look at the fountain Mellanby Hall for instance. It’s dried up now. I am aware Bello Hall also had something of the sort. They had to convert it into a fish pond, but they could not even manage that. We, therefore, decided to just clog the drainage a bit and create a passage way on the road. That way, we not only save costs, we also do not have to worry about power supply or long-term sustenance,” he said.

The T.A. Report also phoned Onifade Bello AbdulRahman, the Speaker of the Students Representative Council, to get this take on the issue. The school’s explanation, according to him, is the most ridiculous thing he has come across this year.

“In all my years on this campus, I have never come across such a ridiculous policy and attempt at rationalisation. Don’t the school know that the clogging is serving as a breeding ground for harmful organisms such as mosquitoes? It is also not befitting for a school that claims to be the first and the best. Most visitors pass by this road each time they come; imagine what thoughts shall cross their minds when they see the ugly sight,” he said.

The Intra-Campus Transport Committee has also expressed dissatisfaction at the development, with members threatening to increase transport rates due to damage caused to their vehicles by the fissure.


Caveat: This piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of any person’s credulity or mischief. Please, do not take us serious. Yet again, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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