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RUSSIA 2018: “We won’t return empty handed” – Gernot Rohr assures Nigerians

RUSSIA 2018: “We won’t return empty handed” – Gernot Rohr assures Nigerians

(Yessentuki, Russia) — Super Eagles head coach, Gernot Rohr, has promised Nigerians his lads will bring back laurels as they look forward to their world cup opening game against Croatia tomorrow.

He made this vow in his address to the Press few days after the team arrived to their hotel Sanatorium Istochnik in Yessentuki, Russia.

Resplendent in green and white embroidery with hats and shoes to match, Super Eagles had arrived aboard a chartered flight from Austria at the Mirealnye Vody Airport which is about 35 kilometres to their lodge.

“We are optimistic,” he began. “We won’t come as far east as Russia and go back to Nigeria with empty hands. We won’t,” he continued, beating his chest, wearing a wide grin.

“We know we have 31 other competitors who are also eyeing the trophy as we do. We are not disturbed by this. Because we have other plans – that which others are not considering.

“Because we are smart and for the love of Nigeria’s cultural richness, we have tapped into the country’s cultural wealth. We not only did this, we have given a nod to the team’s football identity: which is their hallmark of embroidered Eagle wings and a football on the chest and collar of the team’s jersey.

“Doing this, we hope, even if the trophy won’t come to Nigeria after it did before the tournament started, we have another trophy we can be guaranteed of winning.”

Curiously, a reporter present quickly asked what trophy he was talking about.

He smiled, then said, “I’m surprised most of you have not been smart enough to read the handwritings on the wall. We are on course to win the best dressed team in World Cup.

No team, at least as far as I know, has a larger chance of winning the most fashionable team here,” he paused, as if trying to confirm people’s reaction to his claim. “Or do you know of any?”

“From our jersey to our travel outfit, all are aimed at tucking some smiles in the corner of the mouths of Nigerians. Also, we are using this strategy to boost the lad’s confidence. If we win the world cup, that will be a plus. But as it stands we are not going to return empty handed.”

Immediately he spotted a German reporter sitting to his right, he added in German, “Wir versprechen – we promise.” All that was heard after this were giggles, claps and flashes of camera shots.

The Super Eagles are drawn in group D alongside Croatia, Iceland and Argentina. They will kick start their campaign tomorrow against Croatia.


Caveat: This is a work of satire. Names or anything that has semblance with them, persons, wise or otherwise, offices, high or low, authorities, constituted or unconstituted, are as a result mixture of the author’s imagination and inspiration from Above, and any semblance of actual persons, far or near, organizations or body is the handiwork of Mr Coincidence. You have been told. Don’t say we haven’t!

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I, Bayode Otitokoro, fell in love with the truth from childhood. My mantra is: in an unjust society silence is a crime. With satire, I will clad my society in the attire of sanity.

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