ABUJA (The T.A. Report) — Chief Medical Director of Aso Rock Clinic, Dr Hussain Munir, says he is shocked to discover President Muhammadu Buhari actually believes he is fighting corruption.
Following the President’s infamous remark last Tuesday at Ghana’s independence anniversary celebration when he promised the country support in fighting corruption, Dr Munir said he thought he was joking at first, but “new tests have shown that President Muhammadu Buhari could actually believe Nigeria is fighting corruption and is in a position to help others.”
He made this revelation at the maiden edition of the Annual Medical Practitioners’ Convention held on Monday at Sheraton Hotel, Abuja.
The medical report, a copy of which was obtained by a T.A. Report correspondent, claims the President suffers from a strange form of schizophrenia called schizophrenia asovilae. “It is characterised by thoughts or experiences that seem out of touch with reality, disorganised speech or behaviour and decreased participation in daily activities,” the report said.
According to the Aso Rock CMD, this development is disturbing because people mostly do not get this disease after the age of 45. “Nevertheless, the results of this test have assisted us in putting some of the President’s actions into appropriate context, such as his recent remark in Ghana and his refusal to show empathy to victims of clashes in Plateau and Benue states,” he said.
“Remember that, following the unfortunate Munich shooting incident in Germany in July 2016, Mr President also offered help to the country in fighting terrorism.”
“We may need to allocate more money to the Aso Rock Clinic to effectively arrest the situation before it gets out of hand,” he added.
Nigeria’s First Lady, Aisha Buhari, in a swift reaction, has discredited the report as false and misleading. “What is this Dr Munir saying? My husband is perfectly fine. The only doctors who can diagnose him are his personal physicians in the U.K., and they have said no such thing,” she tweeted moments ago.
Caveat: This piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of any person’s credulity or mischief. Please, do not take us serious. Yet again, maybe you should do just that.