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The T.A. Report

Nigerian gets kidnapped abroad. Nigerians react on behalf of govt.

Nigerian gets kidnapped abroad. Nigerians react on behalf of govt.

TWITTER (The T.A. Report) ― From setting up a committee to blaming the victim for being reckless, Nigerians have predicted with hilariously sorrowful accuracy how their government would likely react to one of the country’s citizens getting abducted by criminals in a foreign country, say Libya.

Special forces of the United States had recently rescued an American national, 27-year-old Philip Walton, who had been kidnapped in Niger and brought to Nigeria.

“The United States is committed to the safe return of all US citizens taken captive. We delivered on that commitment late last night in Nigeria … We will never abandon any American taken hostage,” said US secretary of state, Mike Pompeo.

Understandably, Nigerians, on whose soil the daring operation took place, read this press statement with their jaws reaching for the ground as many had thought such scenes were only enacted by Hollywood actors. According to Temitope Ajiriya, an expert on Abusive Relationships, Nigerians treat patriotism the same way religious faithful treat the love of God — “you should expect and demand nothing in return”.

Jack, a prominent Nigerian Twitter user who calls himself a Preceptor, Observer, Beholder and Chronicler of Mysteries Not Easily Explainable or Known To Men, was determined not to wallow in sadness alone and, on Saturday, engaged other Nigerians in a meditative exercise of self-pity.

“Real Story: US citizen kidnapped in Niger Republic.. US sends NAVY SEAL to rescue him. Imagine a Nigerian citizen kidnapped in Libya…. Reply as the Nigerian Government,” he tweeted.

Here are some of the responses to Jack’s tweet:

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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