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The T.A. Report

“I cannot think clearly with students around” – says Vice Chancellor Olayinka

“I cannot think clearly with students around” – says Vice Chancellor Olayinka

29 May 2017

Professor Abel Idowu Olayinka, Vice Chancellor of University of Ibadan, in a phone call with The T.A. Report, has explained why he mandated students to vacate the university premises before 6pm today. He said he is always not at his best with a lot of people around.

“Though the tone of my broadcast may suggest otherwise, students of the university should understand that my administration does not hate them. We are only telling them to leave the school to give us time to strategize and chart a way forward. Personally, I find it difficult to think clearly if I know 20,000 students are on campus under my rule. It is either they leave, or I leave for them,” he said.

“Besides, it is also in their best interest. Odude, the new Commissioner of Police is a crazy man. I know what he is capable of. With the protest going on in his jurisdiction, he may invade the school the next day and make true his words of killing our dear students. We definitely do not want that…for now.”

“Besides, our Moslem brothers now have all the time to themselves to fast,” he added jokingly.

He also appealed, in the phone conversation, to Ojo Aderemi, the Students’ Union President, not to resist the Senate decision.

“The new Students’ Union President should not try what that boy called Olateju tried with me last year. We will not condone any form of resistance or provocation. Ojo should in fact take this declaration as a blessing. It affords him, and that his Speaker, some time to grow more beard. That way, we will understand each other better. Maybe, even as equals,” the Vice Chancellor said.


Caveat: This piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of any person’s credulity or mischief. Please, do not take us serious. Yet again, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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