06 January 2018

Professor A.T.P. Ajuwape has denied being the University of Ibadan’s Dean of Students’ Affairs in a call placed to him in the early hours of on Friday, 5 January 2018. A correspondent of The TA Report, during the phone conversation, had attempted to obtain his official statement regarding the current state of student welfare and the just-emerging association, which calls itself The Guerilla Students’ Movement. It came as a shock however when he said, contrary to what many hold as true, that he, Professor Ajuwape, is not the Dean of Students.

“I do not know why people keep referring to me as the Dean of Students. I have corrected them over and over and have become frustrated. Listen to me carefully; I am not your Dean of Students! Go and look for him elsewhere,” he cried over the phone.

“Go and check the records. I can show you my letter of appointment. What is written there is not ‘Dean of Students’ but ‘Jinx of Students’ [that is, Chief-Prosecutor of the SDC],” he added when asked what office he has been occupying since the administration began in 2015.

“It is a new office you see, though a bit older than the office of the Deputy Vice Chancellor, Research, Innovation and Strategic Partnerships. The primary role of the Jinx of Students is to ensure a climate of fear using the instrumentality of SDC letters, proper propaganda and one-on-one coercions. And I have been doing this efficiently, so I do not understand why people are bent on assigning me a new role by force,” he lamented.

A message was sent on Facebook to the Vice Chancellor of the University, Prof Idowu Olayinka, requesting for his take on this development. He responded that Professor Ajuwape was in fact appointed as the Dean of Students’ Affairs but he is guessing he did not read the letter to the end.

“The thing is Professor Ajuwape is a very energetic man – that is why you will observe that his initials are A.T.P., standing for adenosine triphosphate. So back in 2015, we looked around for someone to occupy two offices: Dean of Students and Chief-Prosecutor of the SDC (otherwise called Jinx of Students); and we found no better fit than Prof.,” he said. “But, you see, his extraordinary energy sometimes makes him impatient. My guess is that he did not read the letter of appointment to the point where it mentioned ‘Dean of Students’.”

Recall that in 2016, former S.U. President, Ojo Nifemi, had lamented that the student community lacked a Dean of Students. He had said in the press release, “The Union is already where we do not have anybody for us except ourselves… It is just like I am the Dean of Students and he [Speaker of the S.R.C.] is the Union President.”

 


Caveat: This piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of any person’s credulity or mischief. Please, do not take us serious. Yet again, maybe you should do just that.