Agbowo, Ibadan — In the early hours of today, Common Sense was spotted leaving the University of Ibadan.

Eyewitnesses observed that Common Sense was first seen leaving the Tekana Tamuno Building angrily today.

He, however, stopped at Queen Elizabeth II Hall to meet the Hall Warden, as earlier agreed between the two parties, to finalize their inconclusive discussion on the suspension of all elected executive members of the Hall. Too shocked to see what he saw, he could not stay as long as he had planned.

“I’m too shocked. I can’t believe this!” he reportedly said, almost in tears.

Now in tears, he continued, “I don’t think I belong here. I’m leaving this University,” adding that, “I’m leaving Queens Hall. I’m leaving the Hall Warden herself. None of them deserves my service.”

While at the exit to the school, he granted our reporter a brief interview.

Asked why he has decided to leave a University like the University of Ibadan, a supposed “home of sense” — common and uncommon, his response was sharp:

“I have tried. I have been sidelined for too long in this University,” he explained.

“See what the school has done in the past few weeks. Students of the school paid SUG due, a Union its management proscribed a year ago.

“Even though the VC had called for the refunding of the levy, till date, no student has been refunded. That is a stain on my personality! That would have been my last stint here. But I decided to let it slip.”

He added: “Shortly afterwards, a student was rusticated for two semesters because of an article he wrote on the poor attention given to the interiors of the school’s halls of residence.

“I thought the management would use Me by looking into the student’s observations, and seeing the observation as a call to action; but…no. Again, I was relegated to the sidelines.”

Now with a louder pitch, he charged on: “As if that was not enough torture on me, Queens Hall management hit me with a deeper blow.”

He brought out a paper containing the list of the new executive, using his index finger to draw the attention of our reporter to it. “See; look at this. Overhauling an entire elected-executive and appointing new ones without the residents of the Hall having a say was done without Me,” he moved on, hitting his chest in the process.

“So, when I say I don’t belong here I know what I’m saying.

“I know that, though, I’m called Common Sense, but my presence is not common to everyone. And I didn’t expect Queens Hall management to lack Me after I had advised them and had many discussions with the Hall Warden especially.”

Asked where he will go from here, “the gown has failed me,” he replied, “I’ll go to the town. Maybe the town will make good use of me. But for now, University of Ibadan…bye bye.”

 


Caveat: This is a work of satire. Names or anything that has semblance with them, persons, wise or otherwise, offices, high or low, authorities, constituted or unconstituted, are as a result mixture of the author’s imagination and inspiration from Above, and any semblance of actual persons, far or near, organizations or body is the handiwork of Mr Coincidence. You have been told. Don’t say we haven’t!