01 June 2017

There was pandemonium earlier today at the main gate as persons nearby sighted Common Sense storming out of the campus of Nigeria’s premier university. It was seen carrying a large backpack and two Ghana-must-go bags, suggesting that it was not returning anytime soon. All efforts by traders and passers-by to make it change its mind proved abortive.

According to Mr Akanni, an eye witness who sells books opposite the university, Common Sense was whining bitterly during its shocking exit.

“All of us at Agbowo were surprised to see Common Sense leaving University of Ibadan. We were worried because we do not know for how long the university can survive without it, and our businesses depend mostly on the student population. When we saw it, Common Sense was shouting, ‘I cannot take it anymore! I cannot take it anymore!’ like a madman,” he said gloomily.

Another eyewitness, Iya Tomiwa, equally a trader at Agbowo, expressed surprise that the security men who manned the school gate made no attempt to stop the occurrence.

“When we gathered to plead with Common Sense to remain for a little longer while we looked into its grievances, we were surprised to see the Abefele chatting as if nothing was amiss. One of them even came to clear the way for it to board a bus. It was as if they had been instructed to allow it go without check. We just do not understand,” she said.

In a phone conversation with Professor Idowu Olayinka, the Vice Chancellor of the university, he explained to The T.A. Report that Common Sense has proved too expensive and his administration no longer has money to maintain it.

“Good riddance if you ask me. Common Sense is too costly for us to maintain anyway. It has been pestering us to give students their ID cards, to respect all stakeholders, to provide constant electricity and so on. Let it just go to Agbowo Local Government where there is constant power supply,” he said.

“I’m just glad it did not wait for the Senate to look into its case. It is on the agenda for our next emergency sitting. It has just shown that it is indeed wise,” he added with a touch of sarcasm.

It will be recalled that the University recently instructed all undergraduate students to vacate the premises within hours for peacefully demonstrating against the non-provision of I.D. cards. It has also suspended all Students’ Union activities for the same reason.

 

 

Caveat: This piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of any person’s credulity or mischief. Please, do not take us serious. Yet again, maybe you should do just that.