Japa syndrome and the madness of staying
Many Nigerians, yourself included, have reached the conclusion that our lives can only truly begin at the airport—one hand clutching our suitcase, the other gripping our visas.
How to roll a joint: seven steps to self-destruction
To get on the journey towards societal oblivion, you need your materials ready and available. You’ll need some rolling papers, a filter tip, and the most important ingredient: your preferred substance. Now, I don’t know where to get them, but I can point you to people you can get them from. I see them rolling in the gutters (I mean, “roll a joint to roll in a gutter” doesn’t exactly sound bad); some are chained to beds in the hospital; in fact, I saw one roaming the streets fully unconscious, yet mobile. Haq!
10 songs to hold your hand through the Nigerian breakfast experience
Were you dumped or did you do the dumping? Do you want them back or do you never want to see them again? Are you happy, sad, or you’re just caught in between? It doesn’t matter; there’s a song for you.
How to boost your IGR if you run a university in Nigeria
Times are hard. Allocation is not enough. And, as a university administrator, you must balance your books. If you worry about how you are going to do that, worry no further: I’m here to help. Start with these five steps.
When it comes to NEPA, the change begins with your change-over
They toggle the power on and off as if it were a toy they were given to play with as children. At the NEPA office, they chant their slogan before restoring power, “You foolish people, we are about to turn on the light for you,” and when they shut it off again, another slogan resounds, “Back to sender, all your curses are not for us.”
On Portable and Nigeria’s learned fighters
When some lawyers start to behave recklessly and executives exchange dirty laundry in public, and we don’t see any decisive step to correct it, you will realise why Portable is a good fit for their conference. It’s the open season. Let Portable celebrate with the silks. Let Ìdààmú àdúgbò dance with ìdààmú àgbejoro. It’s the clown meeting the gown.
All you need to know about becoming a Nigerian pastor
Nigeria is a vast land full of gullible people with no faith. It is where you are told salvation is free but you need to buy anointing oil and holy water, pastor’s stickers and even pay for your miracles. Yes, you have to pay for all of these because the Nigerian god blesses based on the measure you give.
How to thrive as a Nigerian: A practical, comprehensive guide
Nigerians will accord you some respect when you go about with your bottle, sipping the water in bits. Never be in a hurry to drink everything at once, no matter how thirsty you are. When you are about to talk to a friend, open up and have a sip. Make sure there’s always at least a quarter of the contents left, at which point you can drop it inside your car. That is more honourable.
To young Nigerian journalists, what you need to know about int’l fellowship awards
There is nothing more exhilarating than pitching for international opportunities, right? Well, hold on to your press passes and grab a pen because I’m about to lay out the hurdles that’ll make you question everything you thought you knew about the glamorous wanderlust-filled life of a reporter.
Alert! GWR, Nigerians are plotting to fill up your book of records.
Even our prominent president reportedly set the pace in sign-a-thon. Apparently, to prove a point, Mr President hit the ground running by signing four bills in two weeks! The president deserves an accolade and a certificate of excellence as, perhaps, the first number one citizen to achieve this feat. Though a critic ridiculed the achievement by saying the bills are low-hanging fruits, I think it is deserving of a medal from no less than the GWR headquarters.