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The T.A. Report

Buhari’s govt makes history with record number of virtual meetings — APC

Buhari’s govt makes history with record number of virtual meetings — APC

ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Nigeria’s ruling party, the Anti-Progressive Congress (APC), has commended the administration of President Muhammadu Buhari for making history with its recent embrace of “groundbreaking technology”.

Lanre Olinu, the party’s national publicity secretary, during a press briefing on Friday observed that no other government has held as many virtual meetings during such a short period.

“It shows that even during a global health crisis, the government is taking information and communication technology seriously and is paving the way to a more digitally connected economy for all Nigerians,” Olinu said.

“No other president has used such advanced technology before, not even the man from Ogun state who still writes letters on paper instead of just sending emails. It is almost like witchcraft, except it is science and Nigeria is one of few countries in the world to put it to use at such high levels of governance,” the party spokesman added.

“No doubt, if we continue with this trend, by 2050, Nigeria will have made its first webcam or maybe even started mass producing USB cables. Nothing is impossible with the APC in power.”

What he was asked what the ruling party thinks about the use of robots in Rwanda that can screen up to 150 people in a minute, Olinu replied that the step is small compared to technological advances in Nigeria.

“Let us not forget the legendary app launched by the APC government in Kogi state,” he said with a broad smile. “As we speak, they have still not confirmed a single case of COVID-19.”

Meanwhile, The T.A. Report gathered that President Buhari has decided to be conducting all non-international visits on Zoom subsequently after discovering how “powerful” the app is.

“Whenever there are Boko Haram attacks in Borno, for example, or tank explosions in Lagos, instead of going physically or having the governor bring pictures to the statehouse, the president will just speak to the state leaders and victims via video call,” a source hinted.

“Isn’t it wonderful?”

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us seriously. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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