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The T.A. Report

Buhari tricks Lagosians into endorsing second term bid with mass trekking

Buhari tricks Lagosians into endorsing second term bid with mass trekking

LAGOS (The T.A. Report) — President Muhammadu Buhari, sources have revealed, successfully tricked residents of Lagos state into endorsing him for a second term with massive trekking.

He achieved this by directing Akinwunmi Ambode, the state governor, to declare a work-free day and close major roads in the state, they said.

One media aide close to the President said Buhari knows the road closure was unnecessary, but thought it could really boost his re-election bid.

“We all know there was no need for roads to be closed down, but the President convinced Ambode that it worked in 2015 and can work again in 2019,” he said.

“Remember a man trekked from Lagos to Abuja for Buhari before he became president and it became a sensation. The idea was what if we have this on a larger scale. You know, thousands of people trekking to work because of Buhari. It might endear the President to people once again.”

Another source close to the President said the President could not bribe people to trek for him for fear it might turn into another scandal.

According to him, “We considered giving money to people from Lagos, considering their opinions are well-respected, to engage in the trekking. But Governor Ambode reminded us of what happened when he gave money to Twitter users to share pictures of a clean Lagos. Besides, the Dr King award we paid for has not really paid off. So, we thought if the carrot will not work, then we might as well use a cane.”

Asked if the strategy has yielded any positive results, he said it is too early to determine.

“We are still waiting to see. It doesn’t seem it’ll work yet, but it was worth a try. And we never can tell too.”



Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … But, on second thought, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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4 years ago

You wrote absolute RUBBISH!

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