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The T.A. Report

Buhari ranked head of state with highest integrity following finance minister’s exit — report

Buhari ranked head of state with highest integrity following finance minister’s exit — report

ABUJA (The T.A. Report)― President Muhammadu Buhari has overtaken Vladmir Putin of Russia and Yoweri Museveni of Uganda to become the head of state with the highest level of integrity in the world, according to a recent report.

The report, which was compiled by one of Africa’s leading think tanks, Progressive Hailers Inc., attributes this historic rise to the resignation of Kemi Adeosun, Nigeria’s former Finance Minister, on Friday.

Nasir El-Rufai, founder of the think tank and editor-in-chief of the 2018 report, while addressing journalists in Abuja on Saturday praised the Buhari administration and said such a resignation is unprecedented all over the world.

“We all know this administration is one that holds on to firm principles of fairness and honesty, but we had no idea it was this impressive,” he said.

The polls and extensive data analysis conducted by the agency over the past few days all point in the same direction, he said: that Buhari is the president with the highest level of integrity in the world, especially following Adeosun’s resignation.

“We would know,” he added with a reluctant smile, “because we work closely with Mr President.”

Femi Adeshina, Buhari’s special adviser on media and publicity, was also at the press conference. Addressing reporters, he said the resignation of a minister following such allegations has never happened anywhere else in the world.

“We keep saying it. This administration does not joke with integrity. It is the horse upon which we defeated the former ruling party and rode to power, and we will continue to sustain the vibe,” he said.

“We are glad the Progressive Hailers Inc. has given a stamp to this evident truth, and we are certain this report will pave the way for another landslide victory at the coming general elections.”

In response to why it took 69 days for the minister the resign, Adeshina said Buhari needed to take permission from China.

“Actually, Mr President would have acted earlier, but we realised we would be violating one of our 2370 agreements with the Republic of China if we did so without prior consultation. This is why it took so long.”

“All things being equal, this won’t be necessary anymore as soon as we pay up our debts some 200 years from now,” he added.

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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