… where sa-tyres never go flat

Prize for Satire

The economic importance of buttocks

The economic importance of buttocks

By: Joy Abraham

Buttocks matter here.

A big one would do. Not necessarily clean

Down my street lives a buttocks specialist

Master in reshaping, mending and total fixing of buttocks

Sometimes, be careful not to call him out loud—B-specialist would do

Since you’ve not eaten your listener’s biography

My sister booked a session (a total fixing: since we are called bottomless by the bottomless)

She returned with eight figures

All pieces from extravagant leftovers

What’s yours made of? A bigger one asked

You mean my behind? Oh, a big fish in the customs

Father’s bike was ceased by an officer demanding his inner light and fire extinguisher

He cried into his phone begging my sister

A little generous piece of her behind:

One he said smelt,

of strange bodies, cheat and other men’s sweat

Sister reminded him he was holy

He said it takes living to live wholly

His bike is his buttocks on which he carried us

Through childhood to adolescent

A confluence of passengers ferried, lingering amidst our welcomes

They weren’t big enough: 30, 50, 100 to 200 bucks a ride

(Maybe our needs were too big)

I had also borrowed it. Into Uni—not through it

There are bodies,

Who stuff their wares into people’s nostrils

Pasting a memorandum of their merchandise unto foreheads

100 to 1000 is their buttocks’ size a full day

One noon

A big buttocks gave two of these a ride into a ditch

He didn’t stop.

Something about being late for dessert?

A big, big fish’s son once rode his buttocks

Large enough to swallow father’s and ten others in it

He sped into death; its shadow

Because numerous hands of skillful medics kissed life into his throat

(PG: this above is only to be tried by very rounded buttocks)

Not like the time mama’s breast grew lumps

And father’s buttocks sold, couldn’t

pay her bills

And sister’s buttocks had long deflated

And my honorary card couldn’t puke one job of honor

And I had to wear one too

And mama couldn’t hold

Until my buttocks was ripe

To lure a bigger one

I am a Writer, Environmentalist and Social Leader from Benue State, Nigeria. My writings feature education, religion, ethical leadership, environment, and plights of women in Africa. I have presented my poetry pieces in the western and northern regions of Nigeria, and in Nairobi, Kenya. I love to hike and play the guitar.

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The only thing you need to know about me is I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ―― well, except when writing.

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