To start with, your boss, the Nigerian big man, most likely owns a protruding, very concave abdomen, which advances before him like a near-term pregnancy when he walks. This is his cherished certificate of membership to the big men club. You are warned never to grow one. The Nigerian big man abhors competition and treats disloyalty like leprosy.

By: Aniebiet Effiong There are some places that need peace. One of those places is Nigeria. You can one day assume the […]

It is by the grace of God that you have come this far. After many years as a loyal boy and many years in public service as a servant and a product of loyalty-market, I don’t need to tell you the importance of Thanksgiving.

ASUU has gone on strike and I know that your monthly allowances might be halted and you’ll automatically become the house boy/girl at home. Imagine a whole social media chic, a Slay Queen or Fine Boy on campus being asked to go and buy N100 Maggi. O wrong naw!

In Nigeria, the successful or soon-to-be successful writer must run away from see finish. It kills your career faster than cancer eating into an amoeba. Yes, see finish, in the barest minimum. According to the Dictionary of the Nigerian People (2022), see finish is to be “seen finished,” to be seen more than necessary, and therefore to be overseen.

With about 14 months left for President Muhammadu and his plagued administration to pack and go out of Aso Rock, Nigerians are more than eager for real change. After 8 years of strife and turmoil under APC, what more can we ask for?

If only one thing is more important than voting Prof. Osibanjo President, it’s getting my PVC – Permanent Voters Card. The Electoral Act is incomplete until there is a provision that accords one more multiple votes according to how stressful the process of getting the said PVC was. Honestly, I do not see why I will go through all that wahala, sit through the sun and stand in the rain, just for the franchise, to cast one vote, a vote I can’t sell for up to N10,000, especially as this one wey things dey cost.

In his 1983 essay The Trouble With Nigeria, the traitor Chinua Achebe mischievously identified Nigeria’s problem to be, as he put it, “simply and squarely a failure of leadership.” Nothing, I assure you, could be farther from the truth.

Never, I repeat, never should you act because actions come naturally to you. Never should you count hanging your hands like you have a bag strapped on it as a reflex. Never should you swing your arms or snap your fingers when you talk (even though it’s ingrained in you and you can’t help it). Let’s not even go near the bizarre act of batting your eyelids. Don’t be dumb.