… where sa-tyres never go flat

Prize for Satire

OPI(nion) (dia)LOGUE

OPI(nion) (dia)LOGUE

By: Oluwaseun Osanyinro

Good day beautiful people of Niagara.

Is this microphone working?

Hey! Sound man!

How do I defend myself and my colleagues if the good people of this country can not hear me?

Niagarans, this is an example of what I came to explain.

We are all corrupt in our beloved country. It just happens we are the politicians.

Is the microphone working better now?

Once again, good day Niagarans.


Sound man, how much were you paid to set this up and a simple microphone is not working?

You were just paid half?

Why did you not borrow and do a better job?

That is what we do as sworn-in politicians.

We borrow and the successor pays.

Some citizens have accused us of embezzlement.

We do not embezzle.

We only spend on our families, friends and not forgetting the various channels we borrowed from to contest.

Honestly, we all plan to return your money.

Immediately we enter our office, we have to fortify ourselves by buying cars and building mansions and saving for the rainy days.

The stress of the last two affects our physical and mental health so we need to travel out of the country to rest.

We should rest in Niagara?

Our hospitals are not up to standard.

Mr journalist, you do not have to look at me like that.

Blame our predecessors.

We met it like that.

Are you here to argue with me?


I thought as much.

Let me continue.

By the time we rest and are back, ready to begin the task written on our manifestoes, our tenure is over.

Other politicians would agree with me that four years are not enough to meet our goals.

That is why we try to run for another term.

I can see my colleagues nodding their heads in approval.

I wish you all can understand our dilemma.

I recently saw an article applauding us, and I prayed for the journalist.

God bless her.

Why did we not complete any project?

Most of us started road projects but had to stop halfway.

Allocation was redirected for our wardrobe allowance.

You all would agree that it is better your leader is well dressed than a good road.

I, for one, wish to complete my state road if you vote me in for second term.

I have begun a good work, and I wish to finish it.


Our education system is doing great.

Good people of Niagara, you need to know it is not about the building, it is about the content.

We try to recruit good teachers.

Mr journalist, we do not owe anyone.

We are only trying to help everyone save their money.

If we pay every month, everyone will spend it all and fast.

We keep your money for some months.

I feel satisfied seeing the jubilation when we pay late.

Some might even be thanking me in their hearts.

Some citizens complained of lack of electricity.

Once again, blame our predecessors.

The security our beloved country is far better than the days old, days of war.

We believe we are trying our best and so advice everyone to protect him or herself.

Get some machetes and be vigilant.

Also pray .

Watch and pray.

You see, even the sound man is nodding his head in approval.

We, on the other hand, are your leaders, so we deserve guard by armoured cars and able-bodied men.

You know, if the head is hurt, the rest of the body will feel it.


Any other area we need to defend?

Youth empowerment!

How did I forget that?

We have recruited some youths as our boys.

This has taken them out of the streets.

The females have been employed has secretaries.

They travel with us especially when our wives are unavoidably absent.

So, other youths should rest assured that we will fix them in various sectors soon.

Good citizens of Niagara, you would be impressed with our we have curbed food insecurity.

Some of you would testify to the one Congo or mudu of rice we shared during Christmas.

Some even received a thousand naira.

Many expressed gratitude but I stopped them.

Why are we your leaders if we cannot make you smile?

We promise to give more welfare package especially if we are all allowed to lead for 8 years.

People of Niagara, we are so glad you could hear us out.

To those who applaud us, we do not take this for granted.

We have some packages for you, just come to our offices with evidence.

To those that criticize us, we hope this press talk has revealed our good side.

On behalf of my colleagues and I, we wish to thank you for your audience.

With our good leadership, we see Niagara rubbing shoulders with the first-world countries.

Long live good citizens of Niagara.

Long live politicians of Niagara.

Long live Niagara.

I am a Content writer and blogger with a bachelor degree in Microbiology from Obafemi Awolowo University. Currently, I am Master’s student of Public Health, University of Ibadan. Currently, I run a blog at www.deejemima.wordpress.com. I am passionate about Writing life situations, fictional stories and child health.

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The only thing you need to know about me is I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ―― well, except when writing.

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