⁠— Says Smart ID cards production has started in his dream.


The Vice Chancellor General (VC-G) of the University of Ibadan, Prof. Idowu Olayinka Able has finally restored the university’s Students’ Union after he was sure that T-warm, a former students’ union president, has finally gotten married.

The restoration was contained in a press release written and posted by the VC-G on his personal Facebook timeline which has recently been converted to the official bulletin of the university.

Olayinka also assured the students of the university not to worry about the smart I.D cards he had promised them over 2 years ago as they (the smart cards) are currently being produced in his dream.

Recall that the university senate led by VC-G Olayinka had suspended the Students’ Union and rusticated its student leaders in 2017 following  a protest led by the then Students’ Union president known as Comrade Beardless, over the non-issuance of identity cards and other issues we can’t recollect at the moment.

It should be noted that VC-G Olayinka had also advised T-warm, who was busy at the time acting supporting-striker-activist to the student leaders, to go and get married which he finally did few weeks ago.

“After seeing T-warm’s wedding picture on Facebook, I was finally convinced that the young man had yielded to my fatherly advice eventually and because of that, I ordered the university senate to lift the ban placed on the students’ union,” he wrote.

“Now that all the political former students’ union leaders are married, it is the best time to bring back the Union. By the time their wives start asking them for money and they start having to cater for their kids, they won’t be available to lead or incite protests anymore.

“In fact my decision to restore the Union at a time I am sure T-warm will be in honeymoon was to ensure he won’t be around to mentor the young ones or influence them in any bad way.”

Meanwhile,  when a student posted a comment asking about the production of the promised smart ID cards which played a major role in the crisis that led to the initial ban, Olayinka replied, “Yes work has begun on it, because the cards have to be smart, we started with design thinking approaches which took us about two years to decide whether they should be made of plastic or made of steel… you know… and we also spent another 5 months deciding whether it should be circular in shape or rectangular or triangular…which was particularly inspired by what we want our students to be.

“But eventually while in my dreams some days ago, the Lord revealed to me how it should look like ⁠— triangular! So, right there, in my dream, I gave the workers go ahead with the designing and as I am typing this comment, thousands of workers are already working day and night to ensure that the smart card prototype will be ready before I will hand over the dream baton to my successor.

“With the current state of insecurity on campus, we also want to ensure the cards must be able to identify and arrest a thief all by itself! Isn’t that ingenious? That will go a long way in keeping the campus safe, therefore it may take longer before the first prototype comes out and I am particularly happy that my successor will be the lucky man to deliver this great dream of mine,” he added.

As the administration of the VC-G Olayinka comes to an end, many have argued that the major reason for bringing the SU back is to transfer the burden of campus (in)security to them just as he had previously suggested using the male students as a human shield in protecting their female counterparts.

On the other hand, there’s also rumour that the pressure is coming from the International Alumni Body who is making Mr. Able to choose between a handsome grant and the insistence of no Students’ Union. 

In response to another comment posted asking whether the rusticated leaders will also be recalled, VC-G Olayinka replied, “First things first, has he grown beards? I am still strongly allergic to discussing sensitive university issues with a beardless student. And number two, has he withdrawn his pitiable case from the court? The boy lacks respect! If he were to have a misunderstanding with his father, would he have sued his father to court? Answer me now? The issues are simple, he must grow his beards or get an artificial beard, whatever…he must withdraw that case against me from the court and he must come down to prostrate to me at the new Ayo Banjo’s manor. Simple!”

A member of the senate who pleaded anonymity told us in a private chat that “we are tired of fighting these thieves alone, it is better we bring back the Students’ Union to confront these thieves. Youth versus youth, it will be a case of TWO fighting. STUDENTS WILL SOON START BLAMING THEIR UNION LEADERS FOR INSECURITY RATHER THAN WE, THE MANAGEMENT…and that, the senate concluded in its wisdom, will be better for the university’s reputation, home and abroad.”