Secrets of Nigerian Parenting
By: Eluwa Emmanuel
Here are some tips in the Nigerian parenting manual 101, in it lies the secret to a responsible man or woman in the future. Be strict in adhering to these laid out secrets that are tested and trusted.
You must first give birth obviously, you must do this to please the neighbors, your parents need to carry their grandchildren, your church members, deacons who look upon you with indignation, your friend who have jokingly mocked you for been childless, your coworkers in the office and your village people, your relatives need to perform their tradition depending on the tribe you are from.
Though you didn’t want this child now, later you will see that this child is a blessing from the lord, why would you see this child as a burden? The pressure was just nothing, that’s the Nigerian way, then imagine the joy if it is a male child, their joy would be endless. You have pleased a lot of people and this is how it should be. Smile for finally you have rubbed mud on your haters face.
This is your child, you must treat it with all the love and care you can muster, bathe, breastfeed, change diapers; it is the duty of the mother to do everything; do not look to your husband for support; he is there to scold you for not preparing dinner for him when he is back from wherever he has come from. This love you show for your child and husband is great and shows how committed you both are in loving your child. Probably you would appreciate it if he at times carries the child but it always ends up in arguments of how tired he is. Take this as his way of showing his love for you and the child; well he provides the money to buy baby’s food and food for the house.
He, on weekends might shower you with love, gifts and call you sweet names all these are ways he has shown he truly cares and then he finally carries the baby, tosses it around and when its bowls are filled, he calls on his loving wife to take care of everything. The woman must cater for the child’s health, take it to the hospital.
The child grows and with growth comes responsibility. When the child causes mess in the house, shout at him or her; call it names like ewu, nnama, idiot… beat him or her at times. All these project how much you care for this child. You must be strict with this child, allow him only little freedom; you don’t want a rebellious man or woman in the future. All these are your home-training program, take it seriously. Ensure to lay down people who this child should associate with and don’t let them associate with certain people because of their tribe, skin colour or others you deem unfit depending whether you’ll like to raise an ethnocentric fellow or not.
Under this is a lot, you must equip yourself for the task ahead; it is not easy at all but don’t worry you will scale through. Here are some tips you must adhere to to make parenting easy and train your child in the way they should grow.
You must be a father at all times, show no emotions at all as this is for the weak. Don’t play with your child, what will people say about you? Care about your masculine reputation – go out with friends more often and share jokes of how great your son will turn out to be in the future. Wake up early and leave and return very late when the child is sleeping; of course there is nothing you can do. Do not wear yourself out with taking your children to school, cooking or preparing breakfast when your wife is tired. Thank goodness, your wife is an ever-working-robot. Take pride that you are doing your best.
You must provide money for your nagging wife, not much but enough as you deem fit so she could stop shouting at all times. You know you are trying your best. Pretend to not know school fees are being paid, children need to go to outing at times, and be deaf to the children’s needs.
Show no mercy to this child should it deviate from rules you have set down as the head of the family. Let them not forget the rod of correction and by the words of your mouth discipline is established. Note that you mustn’t apologize even if you know you are at fault.
Don’t worry about your relationship with this child, they must understand the sacrifices you make.
Even when you fight with your non-understanding wife, ensure you show your child who is the head and beat your wife in front of them, shout at her and leave the house if needed or send her out for the night… as these will build a strong relationship with your child in the future.
Just as the eye can see, I’m crooked but it doesn’t matter, as far I can still draw straight lines. Ambivert, but in writing very outspokenly extrovert.