The world is at war. Not a war firearms can win, because the sworn enemy here is a virus which survives when hosted by the human body.
Since the war crossed transnational borders into Nigeria, the nation’s centre for disease control has had its work well cut out. Daily, especially at night, we sleep with the news of the number of newly recorded cases of coronavirus.
But something has always been missing from the news: Number of COVIDIOTS recorded so far. They are worse than the confirmed cases, experts have stressed. This, they say, is because the action of one COVIDIOT can bug the entire nation.
This was also surmised in President Muhammadu Buhari’s recorded speech Monday: “The irresponsibility of the few can lead to the death of the many. Your freedom ends where other people’s rights begin.”
We understand that the NCDC is unable to track all cases of COVIDIOTS while also confirming new cases of infection, so we at Punocracy are volunteering to assist with this public service as our contribution to the national response against COVID-19.
Although some named here have since recovered, we have compiled their names nonetheless for the purpose of those who might show similar symptoms in future. Here we go:
| COVIDIOTS | Symptoms | Status |
| Governor Abdullah Ganduje | Within ifve days, Kano State moved from 77 to 219 of coronavirus cases, making it Nigeria’s worst hit state after Lagos. Despite being on lockdown since Monday, cases of the infection contiune to rise. But no! Governor Gandollar (sorry, Ganduje) is not happy. He wants the FG to relax the lockdown in his state for people to stock their homes with food. Since Ganduje wouldn’t ask how Lagos and Abuja have been doing this, he has been isolated in the COVIDIOT unit of our facility. | Active |
| Professor Ishaq AKINTOLA, MURIC director | He was rushed to the innermost section of the ICU for COVIDIOTS Tuesday afternoon. He showed wild signs of intellectual flu, and thinking nausea by claiming the mysterious deaths of some persons in Kano is a “deliberate attempt” to decimate the population of Muslims in Nigeria. His evidence? Nil. | Very active |
| Gov. Yahaya Bello | He hasn’t come to terms that COVID-19 is real. He said Kogi State has developed an app to detect coronavirus. While other thoughtful leaders are setting up more testing labs and getting ready for possible outbreak, Bello is still peeing in his pants, and leading from the back. | Very active |
| Ben Ayade | The self-acclaimed “professor of science,” clearly tops this list. This is because His Excellency Governor of Cross River State got crossed with scientific logic by saying social distancing is needless once one has a nose mask on. | Active |
| Dino Melaye | The ousted senator — who has been said to have a better talent with Nollywood than in leadership — also made the list for his ingenuity in knowing the connection between 5G and coronavirus. Tests show that he initially showed mild symptoms of COVIDIOTISM but he has since been admitted into the ICU (Intensive COVIDIOT Unit) after he kept getting worse. Researchers have told the public to avoid him like plague. | Active |
| Femi Fani-Kayode | The gap-thooted ex-minister made this list for his continuous spewing of untold hoax about the connection between 5G and coronavirus and his online footprints that bleed with hate. | Active |
| Reno Omokri | Like Reno, like Femi. They were bugged by the same strain of COVIDIOTISM: of hate and the doomsday message on 5G. | Active |
| Apostle Johnson Suleman | The self-professed “Professor of World Mission” was bugged by COVIDIOTISM when at his Good Friday service, he claimed one of his “subjects” was cured of coronavirus without orthodox treatment — but just his ministry. Many wonder why he hasn’t visited the isolation centres in the country for more cures. | Active |
| Temitope Balogun Joshua, aka T.B. Joshua | The founder of the Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN) would have escaped this list but for his bold, but failed, prophesy that coronavirus “would go” by March 27. | Active |
| Chris Oyakhilome | The sleeky-speaking curly-haired “man of God” made this list for his discovery of a new chemical compound in connection with the 5G hoax. | Discharged |
| Funke Akindele & JJC Skillz | Surprisingly, they made the list. But, according to update, they have recovered and will soon begin a household-to-household awareness on “how not to be a COVIDIOT.” | Discharged |
| Garba Adamu II | He made this list for his infamous statement on why Nigerian leaders should be accorded better privilege and recognition at the expense of ordinary citizens, because “this is capitalism.” Research shows that the younger the former presidential hopeful was, the wiser he thinks. | Discharged |
| Gbagada joggers | They were admitted here because they found it hard to understand what physical distancing is. Reports say they have responded well to treatment, and will soon be discharged. | Discharged |
| Bishop David Oyedepo | Oyedepo was first discharged late March, but he has shown serious symptoms that he didn’t fully recover back then. He was yesterday admiited into the Intensive Covodiot Unit in our facility. Since his admission, he has repeatedly been saying “open the church and close the market”. Officials are worried. Hopefully, after we boost his immune system, wherever the fault in him is would be corrected. | Active |
| Abubakr Imam Aliagan | The scholar spat on logic and turned his back to fact when he said Muslims were immune to COVID-19. That he could not do a quick Google search to see that, when he made the statement, after China, Iran, a Muslim majority country, was the worst hit in Asia, gave him this title. In fact, as of mid-April, Turkey and Iran are the respective 8th and 9th most hit nations in the world by COVID-19. | Under observation |
| Governor Seyi Makinde | He held a rally in Ibadan at time when governments of the world were preaching “stay at home.” He also, as a joke he later said, that “coronavrius is not in out party (PDP)” He later contracted the infection bt has since recovered. | Discharged |
| Davido | Almost at the same time Governor Seyi Makinde held a rally, Davido also held a show in Ibadan. He showed a trait of COVIDIOTISM, and he is! | Discharged |
| Abba Kyari’s burial cortège | They, in their numbers, followed a procession to bury a coronavirus casualty, yet they had no regard for physical distancing. How dumb! | Still very active |
| Governor Abubakar Bello | The Niger State governor relaxed the two-week state-wide lockdown for Jummah prayer. Because he chose to take a step a forward and 10 backward, he became a COVIDIOT. | Active |
Meanwhile, please note that, like Nigeria’s social register, this list will be updated as soon as we confirm new cases of COVID(IOT)-19.
