… where sa-tyres never go flat

Prize for Satire

5 rounds for 5 marks

5 rounds for 5 marks

By: Ayobami Kayode Tijani Ahmad

Professor Randy is a man of honor,

Professor Dandy is a man of chalk,

And with his golden glasses of vision,

Sitting perfectly at the tip of his pointed nose,

You don’t call him Pinocchio, no!

He is a figure of policy…

And with strength, he paints his students with gum of wisdom and knowledge

But his left eye is a pervert,

His right eye is adulterous;

Feasting on mountains that found abode on students’ chests

His mind and heart battle it out for the trophy of immorality

books forced down students’ throats,

Rigorous homework on students’ nerves,

And examination that breathes fire,

Examination that paints students seats with indescribable embers.

Randy sir, dandy sir?

How fair, how cruel?

How you put heaven on your students taste buds,

And now, hell you feed in their in-between

Your office now is an abattoir,

 for ladies old enough to be your daughters

I heard you’ve turned the science lab of experiment to a lab of *sexperiment*

And your cell phone has become a route to get children of eve

The guesthouses around say you’re a life lustomer; sorry customer

Five rounds for five marks,

Prostitute would have requested for five pounds

But these are your students,

How many rounds for hundred marks?

Ayobami Kayode is a 2nd-year student of Usman Danfodio University. He is studying literature in English. When he is not reading, he writes poetry or prose work. He is from Ibadan, Oyo State.

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The only thing you need to know about me is I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ―― well, except when writing.

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Emelife Uc
Emelife Uc
4 years ago

This is beautiful!!!

2 years ago

Nice piece

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