What it means to be a fine girl in Nigeria

By: Chizitere Madeleine Nwaemesi

There are many types of Fine Girls. We have the Fragile Princess, the Femme Fatale, and the Fancy Feminist—to mention just a few. Before you start assessing where you fit in, I need you to know that being a Fine Girl will cost you. It doesn’t matter what type of Fine Girl you choose to be. Not being a Fine Girl will also cost you; this one is certain. Remember that you are a woman: everything you do or refuse to do in this life will find a way to pull your wig.

This is why there are many societal expectations placed on Fine Girls but none for Fine Boys. It’s important for you to know these things, which is why I chose to write this essay—for every aspiring Fine Girl to gain the knowledge and insight required to successfully navigate through life.

As a Fine Girl, it’s possible that your life might be heavily influenced by the expectations others place on you. These expectations could relate to how you should behave, dress, or live your life, often shaped by societal norms, cultural values, or the perceptions of those around you. In essence, you must have the humility to accept that external pressures or standards may dictate significant aspects of your identity or choices rather than allowing you the freedom to define your own path.

Last year, I hopped on a Keke Napep on my way to somewhere I cannot remember. Before I got in, a schoolboy stood with me and wanted to get on too. But he was not able to agree on a favourable fare with the driver and he stepped back. Meanwhile, I was already seated in the front seat beside the driver, because I didn’t want the schoolboy (obviously a child) to sit at the front. A lot of people do not like to sit at the front because it doesn’t give passengers the comfort and prestige they crave when boarding public transportation. You have to sit with one of your knees facing out. Not forgetting, you have to hold something, anything, to keep your balance. Also, you have to brace up for the ride because you’re going to be sort of an assistant driver, enduring the feel of his body against yours while he drives.

Based on these factors, a woman is not expected to sit there. Not to talk of a Fine Girl. I wallowed a while in regret after we left the schoolboy behind, not because I chose the wrong seat but because I didn’t make sure he got on that ride. I was awoken from my regrets when a man who took the place of the boy touched me to ask, “Why did you sit there? Don’t you know a fine girl like you should not sit there? You will not be comfortable.” I didn’t need him to say more to know I had failed in my duty as a Fine Girl.

What is a Fine Girl not supposed to do exactly? Let’s start with the basics.

A Fine Girl is not supposed to be found squeezing her face. When you’re deeply offended, just cry. Sweet tears. Don’t fight. Don’t shout. Don’t swear. Just cry. Silky tears smearing your beautiful cheeks and heavy makeup. That is how to be a Fine Girl. The trick is to act emotionally vulnerable enough that you will get treated as a victim. Men love the idea of a damsel in distress, and they will shower you with sympathies and support (most times monetary) even when you don’t need either. Once you understand how easy it is to exploit the masculine worship of beauty, manipulating men becomes second nature to you.

There are some unwritten laws in this world, laws that define the social contracts governing human relations, and one of those laws states that a Fine Girl can do no harm. Call it pretty privilege or whatever, but as a Fine Girl, never take for granted the fact that you can get away with murder. All you need is some tears and smiles for your innocence to shine through. People look at your beauty and see not only your own goodness but they imagine it reflecting back on them. It’s in this way that your beauty isn’t merely a passport to having a good life but a gift you are meant to treat with care and respect. Yes, as a Fine Girl, you must respect your own beauty enough to place it on a high pedestal so that when others encounter it, they instantly recognise the immense value your FineGirlbility bestows on you.

On the subject of value, it’s important to clarify that a Fine Girl is not supposed to put anything other than her beauty first. It’s not enough for you to be a narcissistic diva. You must be the world’s greatest narcissistic diva because what is worth doing is worth doing well. A Fine Girl who has failed in her responsibility to her beauty would most likely be confronted by some of the following aura-demystifying enquiries:

What do you mean you don’t use skin care products? Fine Girl like you? What do you mean you are trekking? Fine Girl like you? What do you mean you don’t go clubbing? Fine Girl like you? What do you mean you haven’t been to Candlelight before? Fine Girl like you? What do you mean you’re drinking green bottle? Fine Girl like you?

What do you mean your perfume is three thousand five hundred naira? What do you mean you paid with your money? What do you mean you don’t bill men? What do you mean you don’t stay out late? What do you mean you want to study Engineering? What do you mean you’re studying Mortuary Science? What do you mean you cannot buy a handbag for a hundred kay? What do you mean you don’t have Vietnamese bone straight, or even Brazilian? What do you mean you cannot pay for Bolt? What do you mean you don’t use an iPhone? What do you mean you sit in front of Keke Napep? What do you mean by you’re still a virgin? What do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend? What do you mean you have one boyfriend? What do you mean you eat swallow?

— Fine Girl like you?

A lot of girls don’t even know they are Fine Girls until they are hit with a “Fine Girl like you” statement. This is how our enjoyment started. Because as a Fine Girl, you’re not supposed to be found wanting, broke, or desperate. These three inconveniences will mess with your self-esteem so much that when you look in the mirror, the only thing you will see is a girl rather than a Fine Girl.

The transition starts with being called a Princess, Angel, Pretty, Asa, to – boom! – an obvious Fine Girl. And please, when you’re being called a Fine Girl, remember to smile shyly, pat your hair and make comments like, “Like this? With this my hair? I’m not that fine. My friend is finer. My sister is finer.” Being in denial strengthens your FineGirlbility.

Though I must warn you, being a Fine Girl comes with a lot of hard work. That voice that is telling you that everyone is staring at you? Believe it. Do I need to say more? When a man is being overly nice to you, it’s in your best interest to assume he only wants what every other man wants from you. Make sure you are smart. You don’t need to be perfect, but be good at projecting a sense of perfection. Be soft. Speak slowly, no matter what. People have patience for Fine Girls. But that’s not what matters. What matters is what and who you have patience for. Never make the mistake of being patient with someone or a situation that doesn’t deserve your grace.

A Fine Girl should be selective, painstakingly selective in her choices. Because why will you be giving an audience to a boy inside Keke Napep? Yes. You boarded Keke too but you’re a Fine Girl, you deserve better. What happened to men in flashy rides? Have you forgotten a Fine Girl aims higher? And what will people say when they see you with a boy who cannot even send you dinner dress, money for lashes, nails, hair, a boy who cannot book Bolt or pick you up? Even when the boy is fine enough and speaks fine, he needs to step up or stay down. Fine Girl cannot be with a boy she met in Keke Napep. Fine Girl needs maintenance. Fine Girl doesn’t send men money; she only has time for men who ask her how much she wants. Fine Girl doesn’t reply to messages fast, doesn’t ask a man if he’s eaten, or visit a man at his house. If he can’t take you out to the newest restaurant in town, he can forget about ever seeing your shadow.

Before I forget, if anyone ever questions your taste, ask them whether they know what it means to be a Fine Girl? Of course, they would never know. Only Fine Girls know. A Fine Girl never settles. Always remember that. You’re not expected to be content. You have to always want the newest, latest, fanciest, silkiest, loveliest, and costliest things.

The world is your playground. Play everything and everyone, but make sure not to play yourself. You deserve everything beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you come from a family that cannot afford milk. You’re a Fine Girl, and a Fine Girl can go from zero to a hundred. 

Carry your shoulders high. You can be rude to strangers, waiters, servers, housekeepers, ushers, Bolt drivers, handymen, service technicians, anybody except the big boys and big men, of course. You’re a Fine Girl.

Now, here are people to avoid.

People who do not care about your FineGirlbility. People who accuse you of things like using bone straight to cover an empty head. People who look you dead in the eyes because they’re not swayed by your expensive makeup, your blue/pink contact lenses, silky blunt cut hair or your exotic perfume. They’re ready to point out your foolishness for paying for that Peekaboo handbag instead of registering for masterclasses. These kinds of people do not know that being a Fine Girl is enough work, a lifelong career. You do not need another. People who think you’re like every other girl out there. People who call you a woman instead of Fine Girl. People who ask you what you want to be in the future. People who think you can be so much more aside from being a Fine Girl. People who believe that your beauty will fade. People who think you spend unnecessarily on trendy stuff. How can they not know that a Fine Girl only wears what is trendy? People who think you’re entitled because you’re demanding an allowance as a Fine Girl. People who have no prospect of being rich. People who are not already wealthy. People who are classless—having neither old money nor new money. People who take life too seriously. People who think you’re being insensitive for sending “I need hundred kay” to fifty men at a go and blocking those who didn’t deliver. People who expect you to stand in queues and wait for your turn. People who ask what you bring to the table. People who wouldn’t catch a cold when you sneeze. Avoid all.

On a final note: A Fine Girl’s life is precious, and her prime is short. Las las, somebody has to take an everlasting responsibility for your life. Always keep that fact at the forefront of anything you do. Choose wisely from the flock and fast. Again. All that stress of thinking about anything aside from how you look and feel should be abolished. People will disagree, but take it from me. You are the prize.

Chizitere Madeleine Nwaemesi is a Nigerian writer whose works have been published by Isele Magazine, African Writer Magazine, The Shallow Tales Review, Efiko Magazine, Akpata Magazine and elsewhere. You can find her on:

Substack: https://substack.com/@cmnwaemesi

Twitter: @cm_nwaEMEsi

Feature image by David Kwewum.