She calls herself a feminist. She claims she campaigns for equality of rights and the same treatment for both sexes. She, like millions of others who have caught the wave, declared that not only can women do what men do, but that they ought to do what men do. As if the garb of feminism wasn’t enough, she calls herself a Christian too. But is she normal at all?

A highly revered religious scholar once aired (forgive my loose quotation of his words): There is nothing we would not see under the sun when the world is about to come to an end. One of those beautifully queer things we have been warned to expect is the feminism in religious garb. It is becoming more fierce by the day. But the question: is it normal at all? Of course, I tell you it is! In fact, it is our salvation in this inglorious time! Hallelujah!

You see, feminism is an ideological movement that has been sanctioned by the church and its holy book. Any part of the Holy Book that goes against it must be expunged. This is the world. Feminism is of the world. The Church and its Holy Book are of the world to come. We should silence the call of the world to come and heed the call of the current one. Hallelujah!

Feminism is a wonderfully fantabulous ideology. In fact, one of its proponents had once declared: we should all be feminists. Men should be femini-lized and women should be masculinized. Without feminism, there is no heaven! Hallelujah! And I even got into a discussion with a feminist and she arrogantly said: feminists are the best of humans! Hallelujah! You’re not a feminist? You had better go and wash your head in the ocean. You do not subscribe to it? You had better go and use shea-butter to rub your yansh. So you may be saved. Hallelujah!

Feminists do not poke their noses into other people’s affairs. They do not care if you choose to be a housewife, or you choose to be wife of your job. They do not care about how humans value different things and admire different values and aspire to different things — a topnotch housewife being one of those. In fact, they do not even care about the fact that a man has the right to how he chooses to run his home, and the right of the wife to choose how she wants to be a part of that. For those reasons, feminists are the wisest humans on earth! Hallelujah!

Verily verily I tell you that they are wiser than Aristotle and Plato and Marcus Aurelius and every philosopher who has ever lived. In fact, they are wiser than all the religions’ founders combined! What is more is that they are even wiser than you and I and everyone else on the matters of our lives! Hallelujah! Those philosophers and religions’ founders didn’t even concern themselves that much with women issues anyways. Hallelujah!

Feminism is the way to go, if you want to be intellectually myopic, and stupidly wise. Oh sorry! If you want to be intellectually sound and fantastically wise, I meant to type. Feminism is the way to go if you do not open your eyes to the liberty of humans to choose. In fact, all of us should be feminists, and we should start looking for troubles where there are none. Hallelujah!

And the best, we should be feminists that still want to make heaven by holding contradictory beliefs and silencing some parts of the holy books of the different — especially the two largest world’s — religions that we profess. So, all of us should be feminists. And all of us should be busy confusing ourselves. Hallelujah!