By: Ukor Jonathan
“One thing must kill a man,” right?
To survive this world, you must understand “gynophobia” — the big grammar which refers to the fear of women. Basically, the morpheme “gyn-” relates to anything and everything feminine. Like gynolatry (the worship of women), gynocratic (government by women), gynosutra (sexual etiquette for women), gynaecologist (a Ghanaian female doktar), and gynnastics (an all female gymnastic event). The last three were made up, but you get the point, right?
Historically, the fear of women has often been overlooked, and so great a downfall befell those who underestimated the powers a woman wields.
Just consider, “grand-premiere-superman” Adam of Biblical memories. In one episode of Adam loves Eve, Eve secretly connived with a talking serpent under an apple tree to usurp the government of Adam. The next episode, the aftermath of a failed coup, sees Adam losing his divine speed dial with the Creator, and farming to feed. Pathetic, the first man debased to farming! *sobs.*
Or consider the altercation between Joseph and his master’s wife, Mrs Potiphar, who seductively danced in slow-mo towards him. Joseph, “wise guy, not gay” (definitely not gay), refused to dance, and fled for safety to the prison. Ironic, right? A man finding safety in bondage.
Also consider Samson, “the great and mighty” Samson *sobs*. Delilah must have something a thousand men don’t to effortlessly shave off a fine “dada” man to “gorimapa”. In English: she succeeded in cutting his dreadlocks until he became bald (and blind) and dead.
These are pieces of biblical evidence to #FearWomen. Trend it.
Forget history! What can history teach? History has never really saved future disasters, has it? There would be more wars, more deaths, and especially more breakfast to be fed.
Consider Baruwa, “young-fine-loverboy” Baruwa; he wouldn’t have guessed in a thousand years that juicy Sniper would be his last poison. Baruwa, too, like “the great and mighty” Samson underestimated the power a woman wields. In English: he fell in love. And, of course, it ended in tears.
Or consider Don Jazzy, “happy-cheerful-puppyish” Don Jazzy; he still hasn’t gotten over billionaire Rihanna. If he doesn’t get her, he’ll rather remain unmarried. Sad, old Don Jazzy. Don has been in and over, infatuated with Riri; the spell is unbreakable.
Also consider Nedu of Wazobia, “triple ethnicity” Nedu; he could roleplay as Ade, Musa, or Chinedu, but clearly does not understand the language of a woman. Poor Nedu. He underestimated the matriarchal world and trivialized the modern-day definition of marriage. “You husband a woman does not mean you alone would father her children.” Get on track, Nedu. It’s a changing world, and feminism is what a woman says it is.
Lastly, consider the majority of heartbroken men who choose to be strong after every breakfast. After all, “men don’t cry.” We men, “muscular-chivalrous-promiscuous” men, are yet to understand gynophobia; the more reason we underestimate it. Forgive me for generalizing, but the message is clear, “ṣọra fun obinrin.” In English: every woman owns a Lasso of Hestia capable of binding a man to her will, and she will use it without mercy.