Reported by: Peka.
In a recently released bulletin, the University of Ibadan (UI) announced the appointment of Ms Akinbobola Bibire as the new Chief Security Officer (CSO) and the conferment on the Security Unit, popularly called Abefele, the title of Spiritual Gate Watchman, since “old habits die hard”.
In a phone interview with the university’s Director of Public Communication, Mr Tunji Oladejo, he confirmed the development.
According to him, “The University Senate reached this decision in a closed-door meeting with Prof. Idowu Olayinka, the university vice-chancellor while deliberating on the recent unfortunate insecurity incidents at Awolowo Hall and Abusalam Abubakar Hall.”
Mr Oladejo said this decision is to tell the public that the University is not sitting idle and carefree.
He further explained that the watchmen, better called prayer warriors, are to combat insecurity spiritually, while the female student CSO and her squad are for the eye-to-eye physical combat against the dreadful bandits.
According to the report from the University Senate, as disclosed by the PRO, since female residents have lately been at the mercy of the armed men in the two consecutive attacks, “donning the females with the whole duty of providing their own security is paramount at this point.”
When asked what the university means by “old habits die hard”, Mr Oladejo explained that, “The armed attackers at Obafemi Awolowo and Abdulsalam Abubakar Hall saw the security men praying during both incidents and not on physical but spiritual guard.”
“Since clergymen on campus are on indefinite sabbatical leave, praying during traumatic events is habitual of security men in UI; and as we all know that ‘old habits die hard’, the senate’s decision is to make their spiritual business on behalf of UI thrive well rather than their original physical business,” he stated.
According to him, “This will help balance the spiritual and physical ends of security measures in the university, as the new CSO and her team compliment the prayer warriors’ efforts.”
However, in an interview with Ms Bibire, the newly appointed CSO, equally Obafemi Awolowo Hall Chairperson, she expressed her gratitude to the university senate for deeming it fit to leverage on the trending #RevolutionNow movement to turn the security tide of the tertiary institution by her appointment. According to her, “The decision is too revolutionary to fail” considering its two dimensions (2D), that would consistently and effectively manage UI security system.”
Furthermore, she said following her appointment as the University CSO, “The previously proposed inter-hall defence committee, which includes student marshals from every hall of residence, has been set up and consequently commenced their ‘Bang! Bang!! Bang!!!’ work.”
She commended Mellanby Hall of Residence security marshals’ efforts, saying “a job well done to their midnight “Bang! Bang!! Bang!!!” in a quest to find strangers in the Hall.
“The Hall is taking the lead,” she said, “as their motto reads, in the commitments to setting halls of residence free from the captives of insecurity bedevilling the university.”
In addition, she said some residents of Awo Hall, who were robbed of their properties and left injured and at the mercy of the armed men over a month ago, have been equipped with whistles, “making them the most courageous whistle-blowers in the country lately.” According to her, Awo Hall residents “are taking the front, as whistleblowers, in protecting the university community.”
With the mentioned efficient security measures and others planned but yet to be disclosed ones, she thus assured that “there is no cause to be alarmed; you can sleep soundly in the storm” as she, the master of the storm, is in the ship, they cannot be capsized.
CAVEAT: The writer strongly advises you take every word you have just read above as the unthoughtful, nonsense, and gibberish uttered in writing by a deeply intoxicated drunk, who is in a semicoma state and takes a pit for a barrel of wine, where he can dine to die.