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From Our AlliesLamentations of an Egbere

Two thousand and twenty proverbs for a governor’s son

Two thousand and twenty proverbs for a governor’s son

By: Godswill Elisha

It is no longer news that the first son of a certain governor, renowned in Africa (to as far away as Wuhan) for demolition than construction, got himself caught up in the crucible of a war of conquest on Twitter to determine who is the undisputed king of the land of Cyber Expletives and Ethnic Diatribes.

For the benefit of those who are not informed, he promised a Twitter user that he would have the user’s mother gang-raped and gave a stern warning against any form of Igbo sultry sound while consummating his most noble intention.

I know he is a small boy and he has never had it rough in life. Being my usual considerate self, I won’t be hard and rough on him. After all, what an elder like me learnt from Tales by Moonlight and stealing the wise counsels of sages, the Governor’s son cannot learn same by roaming the streets of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the whole of the World Wide Web. As a benevolent elder, I hereby (herein) bequeath two thousand and twenty proverbs to guide him along his many walks on the social media and the real life.

Our ancestors said, “It is only a bastard that points at his father’s house with his left hand.” What the governor’s son did is more than pointing at his house with a left hand – he, in fact, pointed at his father’s respected house with his left ear, left cheek, left shoulder and even his two left legs. As a result, people who in the past will not dare to look him in the eye have made themselves the judge of character, have convicted and sentenced him to a social media life sentence without an option of megabytes to surf the internet. I overheard some people whispering, “Like father, like son”.

Same people have been calling his mother to resign from one kind post that she is using to pass time. The one that pained me the most is a comment I stumbled across the internet accusing the governor and his wife of over-training their child. After all, is the governor not that no-nonsense accidental public servant?

An alagba once admonished that “the masquerade that tries too hard to usurp his master by showing off his dance steps on the express shall be jammed by a Dangote trailer.” Our people say that “it is the desire of every father to have his son better him in life and accomplishments”. Without any iota of doubt, the governor wants his son to be better than he could ever be.

We cannot forget the governor’s provocative remark about Jesus. We also cannot forget how the gwamna told a certain section of his citizens that they can jump from a hill and die if they are not contented with him. Haba, governor’s son, this threat of a gang-rape is another class altogether – it has surpassed all the most decent things your father has said all through his life. This is not what your father meant when he said he wants you to be better than him. See what trying to outdo your father has done to you now?

The English Wiseman, Shakespeare, in one of his plays said, “Never at ease is the head glittered by the crown”.   A governor’s son should never lose sight of the fact that he is not like any other person that walks the streets of social media. Never should you be heard expressing what is termed dog’s eloquence. Your activities won’t just be scrutinised but you will subject your family to unwanted scrutiny and contempt.

Have you not heard? – “A man who lives in a glasshouse should not throw stones.” It is a brazen display of excessive wisdom to blast Kufena rock in your glasshouse. Why denigrate another leader when your father is one, and many queries have been raised over some of his feats? I won’t speak further on this, “A word is enough for the wise” – only if his unrivalled humility would allow him to listen.

Rumours have it that a former minister has been entreating you to apologise for your expletives. Where did you get that wisdom that you must be appeased in order to apologise? Who are you forming James Bond for? Are you bigger than your mother who apologised for wrongly siding you? If by your actions, you rendered yourself a bastard by pointing at your father’s house with a left-hand, should we also doubt your maternity now that you are not taking the same path as your mother?

The hunting dog that is destined to get lost in the forest will not listen to the whistling of the hunter.

After all is said and done, the over-sense that is worrying me tells me that in 2041 AD, when the governor’s son wants to outdo his father by being the president, he will be forgiven by the Ibos, the expanding league of feminists, as well as the caucus of right-thinking Nigerians, and then get the requisite votes to win the presidency race. Are our votes not worth just wrappers, t-shirts, salt, rice, and false promises of better days?

GODSWILL GWANZWANG ELISHA is a Jalingo-based rookie lawyer. His preoccupation is meeting the needs of his clients. When that gets boring, he unwinds by writing. He is not a writer but on the few occasions that he is, he attempts giving sinews to the bones of his thoughts. Email: willofgod.godswill@gmail.com; Facebook: facebook.com/gebyt1

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4 years ago

Beautiful piece! I love the humour in it.

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