By: Bello Hussein Adoto
The Naijirian government hereby advises her citizens going to Parees to reconsider their travel in the light of bedbug infestation in the city. The bedbugs carry a high risk of sucking your blood, disturbing your sleep, undermining your confidence, and making you unproductive — all of which we care deeply about.
This notice also cautions against using Pareesian taxis, trains, wears, furniture, and, indeed, anything that may have been touched by the Pareesian sun.
We have reasons to believe that the bedbugs may be in other nearby cities. Given the discrete nature of the insects, they can sneak to nearby cities undetected. Therefore, do not travel to Saint-King, Gently, Montrouge, Malacough, Bagnolee, and Coup-rbevoie.
Bedbugs are stubborn, blood-sucking insects that can stain your white. The small, brown, wingless insects can hide in bags and seats through which they get to you. Use your brain. Don’t use your strong head to go out and bring bedbugs to your house.
While we watch the situation as it develops, we urge Naijirians already in Parees to be extra cautious in their movements across the city. Embassy channels remain open for round-the-clock communication. Support is available at our designated centres. Do not hesitate to reach out to us.
Please stay where you are if you have bedbugs in your home. Reach out to a local pest control unit for assistance. Don’t call us. We have other things to do than deal with other people’s bedbugs.
We stand by our ally Phrans as they resolve their bedbug issue. We hope they will adopt better hygienic practices and keep their cities clean. The ambassador is communicating with his Phrench counterpart to send experts from our sparkling and bedbug-free cities to help the City of Bedbugs, sorry, City of Lite, as they go through these dark times of bedbug infestation.
Signed:
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
