Becoming a campus journalist in Nigeria: A satirical guide
Like the strong-willed patriotic Nigerian that you are, you do not want to lose out on all. You look for ways to impact on campus and thicken your skillset and your professional experience. You have got to thicken your CV for recruiters and employers who require a five-year experience for the job you hope to apply for as a fresh graduate. Trust me, I come with the perfect panacea: be a campus journalist and shoot into limelight.
The search for greener pastures│Seun Akioye
I arrived in London in the winter, no jacket, no money save 20 pounds. I was armed with the book 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene — it actually belonged to Adeola Akinremi. I reckoned, by the time I had practised at least 20 of the laws on the white people, I would be rich and famous. As I struggled inside the cold on my way to Woolwich, I was planning which law I would deploy on the editor of The London Telegraph newspaper. I must get a job with that paper and I would start the next day.
Fake news, fake legislators, fake government
Fake news on social media is an idiot. It is responsible for the hunger in the land, the slow growth rate of our economy, the increase in impoverished people, the poor power sector, the constant diminishing of our educational standards, and the mammoth crowd of Nigerians seeking to run out of the country. We’ve even closed our borders to avoid entrance of foreign fake news.
The VP’s Dictionary: Activist, constituted authority, corruption, and 22 other words
Collins Dictionary, for instance, defines a road as “a long piece of hard ground which is built between two places so that people can drive or ride easily from one place to the other”. That’s correct you know—but only as long as you don’t import that understanding to Nigeria. Things are much different here… So different we’d need the entire dictionary rewritten to suit our realities. Here, a road would be more appropriately defined as “a warzone where potholes are mines, shock absorbers are shields, curses are bullets—and from which every soldier returns home a casualty”.