Six ways to know first-time undergraduate lovers

By: Ahmad Adedimeji Amobi

Aunty, Uncle, I know you might have forgotten those promises and those things you and your first lover promised each other as undergraduates. We are here to remind you.

Broadcast

In 100 level, there was this your friend that had a lover and jested at you because you didn’t have. The second day you and your lover agreed to date each other, the first thing you did was broadcast. You would intentionally leave your phone screen on and drop it beside that your friend so as to see your wallpaper and ask, ‘Who be this?’ And you would answer, proudly, with this simple smirk and sprinkles of blushing on your face, ‘Na my babe be that.’

Family introduction

Remember, both of you had assumed that you would eventually marry each other. So, a week into your relationship, one of you would start asking about your family. ‘How many brothers and sisters do you have?’ ‘Where are your parents from?’ ‘I think I should meet that your brother o, I like how you describe him.’

Marriage

Because your relationship is fresh and you had told your friends about it, you both would promise to marry each other, have two wedding cultures; white and local. The type of attire you would wear. The city you both would settle in. Yon don marry now?

Honeymoon

Ha, this part. If one of you loved watching romantic movies, one like Fifty Shades, he or she would ask, ‘Babe, where do you want us to go for honeymoon? Dubai or London?’ You would pick one, even when you hadn’t paid your school fees. You wouldn’t mind because this kind love sweet na.

Children

See, you weren’t dumb. Don’t think you were when you remember the number of kids you promised to have. There would be a day you’re chatting on WhatsApp about your younger ones, how troublesome they were. And the conversation would swerve to love for kids. You would ask, ‘Do you love kids?’ Your lover would say yes. ‘How many do you want us to have?’ ‘Just four and oh, I love twins.’ Shey bi you guys yaff see the future already?

Gifts

Na this part I pity una most. You know your friends bought gifts for their lovers, and your lover’s birthday was approaching. You started racking your brain about their favorite things you’d discussed. You would tell yourself to buy something, something special. Birthday would come, you would buy the gift and your account balance would start blinking red light.

Ahmad Adedimeji Amobi (@ahmad_adedimeji) is a Nigerian creative writer. He is a reader at Fractured Literary.