Recognizing a Nigerian politician

by: Ifeoluwa Kayode-Dada 

Nigeria, the giant of Africa, is home to various tourist attractions that makes the world marvel, from the hot and cold Ikogosi spring to the Niger River, Owu waterfall and our ever perplexing politicians.

In the interest of those of us on ASUU strike, a politician is one who is professionally involved in politics or a public office holder, but as with a number of things, the word “politician” has a unique connotation in our country, Nigeria. 

Election year is almost here (my people, it’s 2023), and already, the charade and circus is in full view. In this line-up, Nigerian politicians take center stage in their selfless and humorous attempts to hold on to power and money for the good of the masses. 

Politics in Nigeria is home to a lot peculiar happenings. First of, apparently, expression of interest for the Presidency in the nation’s ruling party (INTEREST!!!!!) costs a whooping 100,000 Million Naira. Secondly, head public officials in-charge of defense advised the public to arm themselves to guard against incessant attacks. To crown it all up, current ministers of failed sectors all want to be president come 2023 (Probably, monies allocated to resolve the ASUU rift has been expended to purchase “expression of interest” form).

To unravel the root cause of these strange occurrences we must travel to the “Nigerian Politicians Games Reserve (N.P.G.R)” to gain insight into politics in Nigeria.  

After a grueling study of ‘Nigerian Politicians” in the season of their utmost relevance (election season), the following are some of the must-haves of any Nigerian politician:

POVERTY:

Nigerian politicians have the masses at heart and the willingness to serve. They also, are known for their lowly lifestyle; this is why whenever they want to contest for a post “well-meaning Nigerians” always fund their campaign.

LOVE FOR THE PEOPLE:

You see, Nigerian politicians are so selfless, ever ready to drop their Agbada to canvass for votes in the grassroots while lovingly promising the electorates good roads, selfless service and of course Garri before the election(2k after if you vote for them). 

LOYALTY:

This is a quality so important to our politicians that it sometimes moves them to fight amongst themselves (CAUTION: This loyalty lasts for as long as the decamping bug hasn’t bitten them). However, wherever they find themselves trust them to be loyal for the time being. 

ENTERTAINMENT:

Nigerian politicians also seem to love mixing politics with entertainment. We currently have a dancing senator, a “presidential aspirant also training to be an Olympic athlete and many more entertaining acts. 

HONESTY:

Nigerian politicians are very candid during their campaigns, they announce their plans, promise heaven and are honest enough to tell the public when they get elected that the very plans they were elected to execute are not feasible. 

The most note-worthy trait that politicians possess is a heart of service. Their primary goal is to deliver quality service to the good people of Nigeria through delivering elaborate promises and speeches.                         

During this line-up to the elections, dear electorate, ensure that whoever you vote for is a thorough bred Nigerian politician as that would guarantee him/her is capable of quality leadership. Selah.

Ifeoluwa Kayode-Dada is a 400 level law student in the University of ilorin, Kwara state. She loves writing satire because it brings to light serious issues in a manner that encourages ears to listen.