By: Olawale Smart.
Forget what they say about money being between a lion’s teeth. All those “be brave, be hardworking” messages are nonsense; just categorise them as kati-kati.
I’m a motivational speaker but I don’t teach you the impossible. Rather than tell you the “if you can see it, you will achieve it” cliché, I will urge you to do everything in your power to purchase the recruitment form of the Nigeria Police Force. If you see that it is out and you’re not making moves to buy it, surely you will never achieve this easy and subtle way to become a rich Nigerian.
When you become a police officer in Nigeria, you will have to wear this black on the black uniform. People will call you devil, but pay attention, you will discover it is the voice of poor lasses who are ignorant of a surefire way to make money. As a matter of fact, let black be your best colour pending the time when you will rise through that rank.
I don’t know so many things but I’m sure of the things I know, especially how to make money as a policeman.
I don’t know why and how they go about it, but I know that when you become a police officer, you will be allowed to patrol on streets and at that time you can park your van at a very strategic spots — places where those stubborn bike men and drivers will find it impossible to turn back in their bid to avoid police checks.
You don’t have to care that you are sweating profusely while standing under the sun to discharge your duty; you are a few minutes away from making cool money. Enough to clean your face if you don’t have a handkerchief, with more than enough still in your pocket.
Let me now tell you how it works: For every bike man and every car driver that comes your way, be sure to collect a whopping sum of N50.00 from them.
Let’s do the maths: In two hours, if you are on a busy road, you can collect N50 from nothing less than 100 cars or bikes. That is about N5000 daily and N150,000 monthly, in addition to your already guaranteed bumper salary. Well, you might have to share that with your colleagues; don’t be discouraged. Remember the saying, “if you want to go far, go with people”.
Here are some other beautiful things about the job:
1. You can never go broke: Even if the federal government refuses to pay your salary for months, as a police officer, you will never go broke. Once you have a gun, you can put off your tiring boot, put on slippers, call one of your colleagues and ask a bike man to take you to the nearest road junction.
Not so many people will give you a problem. If any arises, remember that they can never know the law better than you. Ask for their particulars, driver’s licence, a written letter signed by the Chinese President that the car was not made by Aba boys, … you can even charge them for driving alone. Be sure that the intellectual ones who think they can do gra-gra don’t have any case against you in the court of law. This is Nigeria, where court orders can be flaunted.
2. You get the chance to meet top-notch guys: You don’t need to struggle to see politicians or any other celebrities, you’ll get the chance not only to walk closely with them but you will even earn some cash for yourself by mere shielding them from the people. Who cares if they are thieves or lawbreakers? You are their shepherd, they shall not want (or be hurt).
I know there are rumours that police officers live a poverty-stricken life. Don’t mind them, they don’t know the difference between being poor and just being humble. If people get to know that they are making so much money, our people will stop cursing and will not stop calling to ask for help. Also, so that politicians will not feel threatened by their wealth they have ensured that the only similarities you can find between them are their iconic bellies.
Caveat: This writer loves the police force, blames the Nigerian masses for giving them more curse than support but will not fail to preach the need for police officers to develop their self-esteem. He also loves to tell everyone who oppresses the masses that they will end up living the poor lives they try to run away from.
Olawale Smart is an official enemy of mediocrity, preaching exceptionality that comes from the true maximisation of man’s true potentials. Writing is one of the ways he achieves that. He can be contacted through any of these means: [email protected], olawalesmart.com, T\F\I: @Drsmartofficial.