This amusing story about Constituted Authority and the antics of Nigerian Police was shared on Facebook by Jude Idada. Enjoy! 

 

The well dressed middle aged lady ran amok.

In the quiet and deserted corner of Lagos.

Right at the intersection of Walter Carrington crescent and Ozumba Mbadiwe street.

In Victoria Island.

Standing outside the drivers side of the car.

She screamed at her driver as he stared at her in shock from the open door of the car.

“I said get out of my car!”

“Madam please na.”

“Don’t let me slap you.”

“No be my fault ma.”

A policeman from the detachment of police officers that guard the street which houses the embassies of the US, Germany, Netherlands, India e.t.c ran across to her with his gun still in his hand.

“Madam, wetin e do you?”

She turned to him.

“This man has no respect for consituted authority.”

“Who.be constituted authority?”

“I am. It is my car. I pay his salary. He has no right to disrespect me.”

The policeman turned to the driver.

“Oya come down first.”

The driver stepped out gingerly.

His white shirt and black tie over trousers alongside his well polished black shoes cut a smartly handsome look.

He stood in front of the policeman with his hand behind his back.

“Wetin you do your madam?”

He swallowed unexistent saliva before he fearfully responded.

“Na small mess I mess.”

The policeman lowered his gun.

Dumbfounded.

“You mess?”

The drivers voice had a tremor.

“Yes O.C. E loud but e no smell.”

The lady cursed loudly.

“Imagine the nerve of the fool!”

“E no smell? She suppose dash you hot slap. You no know say na insurbordination be dat?”

“O.C. I no mess use start fight. Na joking mata na im I dey do o. But madam kon vex.”

“Jokin mata?”

“Na Madam release first. E silent but e dey smell. Na im I kon respond. But I no bargain say e go loud like moto wen dey back fire.”

The lady stood there jaw hung open in shock.

The policeman turned to her.

“Madam e say na you first mess.”

All she could do was mutter in disbelief.

“Me?”

“Na so e say.”

“That is beneath my person. I am a civilised lady with a large dose of self respect.”

The policeman readjusted his standing position before he announed.

“Dis one na investigation mata. Madam e get mess wen dey smell reach ten minutes after dem don mess am. And as your driver talk say your mess smell reach, for me to find out if na lie e dey talk before I charge am for assault and slander, I need to first smell your yansh.”

Lagos.