by: Happy Hour

I come from a prejudiced standpoint on this issue and I can confirm that I use TikTok frequently; and my brain and has begun to physically rotten. When you come close to me and you say “oof, what’s that smell?”, it’s not the cheap awful perfume I bought and stubbornly decided to keep using until I finish my money, it’s the smell of my brain actively decomposing from too much consumption of videos on TikTok.

I don’t know why everyone seems so set against being known to be users of the app but TikTok is the most used social media app currently, and those users aren’t coming from the bush. So Tunde, when you say you say the app is trash and that you’d only be caught dead watching it, are you sure you are not a soul engaging in stealth – an hypocrite of the same ideals you embody?

This exhibition of hypocrisy reminds me of when popular influencer on the app, Kelly, was trending, the thousands of Nigerian followers she got weren’t from the middle of the pacific ocean, were they?

Then there are those who feel like it is a medal-worthy achievement not being on TikTok, the pride they exhibit in conveying this ‘achievement’ and the judgement in their tone when you inform them that you are a user of the platform, just makes me cringe at the shameless show of self-righteousness, silently screaming in reply “come off the high horse!”

“You don’t use the app; so what, Ade? I should go and jump off third mainland bridge?”

Some even go as far as giving you unsolicited opinions as to why they’ll never use such a time-wasting app where all people do is to dance and shake their bum.

It’ll come as surprise to most of them that the reason they keep seeing people shaking their God-given endowments is because they like people flaunting their assets. Literally. The kind of videos you like determine the kind of videos you keep seeing. That is how the algorithms work.

The funniest thing of all is most of these people who judge so much are frequent users of Twitter which, as much as they try to dignify, is a toxic wasteland where optimism goes to die; and hate, bias and judgement thrives, but then again I am prejudiced to see anyone using an app I’m not using as a non-productive time-waster.

All in all, it’s an intricate song and dance of who is the most ‘mature’ and an elaborate, ironic game of the pot calling the kettle black.

Happyhour is just someone who loves sarcasm and all forms of humour. You might be thinking she is a nut job, well that’s because she is. 

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