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How to raise a true believer

How to raise a true believer

— Or A Believer’s Manifesto In Four Commandments

By: Oluwatimilehin Odueso


Dear Demide,

Or should I call you Mama Baby now?!

I congratulate you on your safe delivery. May God Almighty watch this one for us. May this child grow up to fulfil his destiny.

As you know, children of these days are becoming difficult to handle and our hold on them is fast declining. It has become more important for us to teach our children our ways, to show them how important it is to be god-fearing.

This is why I am sending you Pastor Salvation’s pamphlet on how to raise a child in these harsh times. You know how powerful that man of God is. I sent it to my daughter, Bodunde, who, as you know, lives in Wisconsin and she says it’s made raising my grandchild much easier. In her last letter, she says the child even prefers Psalms to regular bedtime stories, what a true child of God!

I am sure it will help you too. It is a powerful pamphlet. I have no doubt that both your child and you will benefit from it.

Please send my regards to your husband. I will continue praying for you and your child.

Yours Lovingly,

Evangelist (Mrs.) Bosede Ajetunde, AKA Aje Jesu

HOW TO RAISE A TRUE BELIEVER

by Pastor Salvation Isreal, G.O, D.I.T.L

(₦500 only)

FOREWORD

I will go straight to the point.

I received inspiration for this piece while my lovely wife was heavily pregnant with our fifth child. We were living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time, soaking garri day and night. Beloved, it was not pretty. I felt the urge to pray for direction and I was led to the mountain by the most high.

I don’t know how long I was there for, maybe four or five days, all the while without food, water or even bathing! I was just waiting for an answer.

This answer came when I received a call that my wife had given birth. The most high told me, “I have shown you the way. Don’t you know why I have blessed you with many children? Don’t you know it’s so that you can be an example for others on how to save their children from the devil’s trap?”

I grabbed this message, beloved, I liistened. And thankfully, that is how this, my sixth child, was born.

 “Train up children in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it

— Proverbs 22:6

1: You must tell it about God (Unnegotiable!)

Don’t wait too long, please. Start from birth, from pregnancy if possible. The first words that leave the lips of your toddler must be the lyrics of a praise and worship song; if it is not, then know that the devil has already begun to work.

So start from birth. Rub anointing oil onto the scalp, the spirit must seep into the child. Whisper psalms into ears while they sleep, take them to church services so they can see how things are done.

See, the devil will try to thwart your efforts; you will see other parents telling you to let your child learn a skill early, maybe musical instruments or a new language or computers. Ignore them! Let your child seek the most high’s face alone and all these things, all those talents and material things other parents are chasing after, will be added unto your own. (See Matthew 6:33).

This is the most important thing, in raising a true believer.

Everybody, of course, needs a reason to be good, so let your child’s reason be God. Good people go to heaven, bad people, hell. If you tell your child this, such child will grow up with the fear of God in them. That’s the best kind of fear, isn’t that glorious?!

This is what we need more of in this country. God fearing children who know that the most high is watching their every move. How can they make bad decisions when they know this? How can they possibly err?

2: Don’t Spare The Rod, Don’t Spoil The Child.

The cane is your friend, so don’t be afraid to use it!

Children can be disobedient, you know. And it is not their fault, it is the devil trying to plant Eve’s seed in them. Be ready, beloved! Be watchful and ready.

You will need a good punitive machine to help you sink lessons into the creases of your child’s skin. Please consider thin bamboo sticks (soak in water for added benefits), a strong leather belt, Dunlop slippers or simple household wiring will do.

There will be trials; people will watch you discipline your child and tell you that beating doesn’t change anything. Some will even go as far as chastising you, telling you that your loving care is child abuse. Laugh at them, beloved, for you are a Nigerian and our country knows the benefit of Proverbs 13:24.

I have had some parents ask me, “Ah, but Pastor, what if we wound them?” To them, and to you, I say, “If God didn’t want any of us to wounded, he wouldn’t have given us the power to heal!”

Be careful, though. Sometimes, caning will not send the devil running. You may need to employ other punitive measures so feel free to explore your creative side.

I know it is difficult, beloved, seeing your child in agony as your whip bites their skin. Take comfort in Proverbs, take comfort in knowing that you have been ordained by God to do this, take comfort in knowing that you do it with love.

If you still doubt the power of the cane, look at Nigerians today, did our own parents not chant Proverbs while they landed koboko on our backs and buttocks? Look at us now, did we not turn out fine and well-rounded?

The cane is a trusty friend, beloved. Use it!

3: Shhh is For the First Letter in SEX.

This one is very important parents. Be careful what your child consumes.

In Matthew 5:8, we are told that only the pure of heart will see the most high. So if you want your child to go to heaven, be careful not to broach the S word.

Remove all instances of the act from your lives. Don’t be too emotional or romantic with your spouse in front of your child, you are raising one from the chosen generation, not a hooligan! When you and your spouse are visiting the promised land, you must be like David, sneaking Bathsheba into his palace – quiet but steady. The promised land is not the time to speak in tongues beloved! Tame your body.

Start early too, teach them that their bodies are temples that must not be fondled with, not even when they bathe! A splash in front, a quick wipe at the back will be enough; lest they turn out a gay, God forbid!. Be watchful, keep your eyes on them as they grow. If they ever linger, don’t forget to discipline them. My personal advice: chop up some bell pepper, mix in with hot water to make a paste, and add to the affected areas. It works wonders.

4: Politricks is the Devil’s Game, Flee From It!

The only leader your child will need, are those in church.

Have you forgotten Exodus 20:3? Do not let anyone take the place of the most high in your child’s life, He is the only leader they will need.

Let your child stay away from politics! No voting, no campaigning, not even joining political parties. All God’s children automatically belong to the Chosen Generation, that’s is the best political party there is. All others are traps by the devil to plant greed and wanton into the hearts of the people.

If you see that your child has leadership qualities, bring them to the church and rejoice for your child has been heavenly ordained an evangelist, he or she will win souls into the party.

Let them pay their taxes to Him, it is the only way the most high can assure your child a place on the golden street. Do not see it as tithing, see it as down payment for your mansion in heaven!

AFTERWORD

Children are precious jewels, and like gold, they have to pass through certain processes that will help filter impurities.

This is not always a clear path and this is why God asked me to guide you with this message. Believe me, beloved, if you take this message to heart, your children will turn out like fine communion wine.

If you enjoyed this pamphlet, bless another soul with it. Why not let others share in your testimony as well? Remember what Luke 6:38 says? Give, and it will come back to you!!!

There will be discount for those who buy in bulk!

Remain blessed, beloved, and may God continue to watch over us all.

Signed,

Pastor Salvation Isreal,

General Overseer, Eloi Eloi Eloi Ministries.


Timi Odueso is a law student who enjoys reading anything other than his law books. His short fiction has been published by On The Premises, The Single Story Foundation, the US Mission Crossroads and the Creative Writers’ Club. He is the winner of the 2019 Sevhage Prize for Nonfiction and a runner up for the Nobrow Short Story Prize. Timi is also one of the ten Fellows of the Wawa Book Review Young Literary Critics’Fellowship. He is a Contributing Editor for Creative Nonfiction at Barren Magazine, the Content Manager/Editor-in-Chief for the Abuja Literary and Arts Festival and the Chairperson for the Creative Writers’ Club, Kongo.

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The only thing you need to know about me is I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ―― well, except when writing.

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[…] entrants in this year’s prize for satire competition organised by Punocracy. Odueso’s How to raise a true believer was adjudged the overall best entry by the judges, followed by Olajide’s The Next Nigerian […]

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[…] Odueso’s How to raise a true believer was adjudged the overall best entry by the judges, followed by Mr Olajide’s The Next Nigerian […]

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[…] Odueso’s How to raise a true believer was adjudged the overall best entry, followed by Mr Olajide’s The Next Nigerian Leader: A reality […]

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