by: Alex Omenye
The annual strike happened. For the foreign readers who don’t know what an ASUU strike is, it’s usually that time of the year when the FG and the university try to mend their broken relationship. A love lost.
The strike happened. Honestly, it’s not your fault but what will ultimately be your fault is if you return to the university campus without being a better version of yourself. You’re a young boy at university. That makes you a big boy. The strike is like an opportunity to be a bigger boy.
We, the good people at Punocracy will be giving you a guide, yes you! a university big boy, on how to be a bigger boy after the strike. This guide has worked for us, and we are 99% sure it will work for you.
First, you must thank your stars for bumping into this article. After thanksgiving, the next thing you should do is decide how you’re going to be a better version of yourself. Time no dey again o.
The first thing you need to do is to refurbish your look. You can’t be a bigger boy and look like a big boy. It would be best if you upgraded your looks. It doesn’t matter if you’re light-skinned or black; you have to look great. Here we don’t follow the dictates of Alpha male, which states that men don’t use creams. Here, you have to start using creams. Your skin needs to glow. You need to turn heads. If you can’t afford to buy the creams, crowdfund with your sister or babe. Anyway, use creams that will make you glow.
The next guide is dressing in designers. You have to know what’s trending in the fashion world and follow it. You have to start dressing in the latest fashion pieces you bought at thrift stores. The man selling told you that Barack Obama wore that jeans last. Who are you to doubt him? You must not forget to wear big chains. You must look up bigger boys like Wizkid and Davido.
When you have successfully done the above, the next thing is Instagram. You go to your Instagram, and you have to optimize it to suit your current profile. In your bio, you either add, “tech bro” or “nollywood actor” or “influencer”. You then start posting hot hot pictures. Be active in that space. Get a little controversial if you can.
After successfully upgrading your status on Instagram, the market will start moving naturally. Ladies and even guys will rush your DM to ‘know you better’ This is a one-time opportunity you mustn’t miss. You have decided what you wanted in the first guide. It’s sugar boy but using a techbro or nollywood actor or influencer as the cover. When the clients start rolling in, the modus operandi will change. You will have to focus on dishing out motivational quotes every other day on Instagram. The hustle is paying off, and na God dey do am. Vacations to the places we only dream of visiting. Acquisition of designers clothes and accessories is what you will do while closing your eyes and you just bought your fifth Benz. Na God dey do am. At this point, the Nigeria you thought you had a toxic relationship with, you will realize that life in Nigeria is very very sweet. You realish it. You will start praying that ASUU never calls off the strike, but sadly, FG and ASUU have gotten back to being the lovers they were, and the strike called off.
You then go back to Uni fresh and bigger. Bigger boy. Your friends will want to know what you did, and you will tell them, “Na God”. God is the only one capable of making a big boy into a bigger boy. What God cannot do does not exist.
Dearest, if you follow these guides and implement them, there is no way you won’t be a bigger boy. It’s sure for you.
Go get that bag, and the hustle will pay. I am, and the whole Punocracy is rooting for you.
Alex is a young Nigerian undergrad in a bitter-sweet relationship with Nigeria. When he is not reading and writing, he is on Twitter sharing his opinions on politics, tech and everything that concerns young Nigerians. He tweets at @_UncleAlex.