… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our Allies

How to cash out big as a political stakeholder in Benue State

How to cash out big as a political stakeholder in Benue State

by: Jairus Awo Otakom

Times are hard and seasons are getting tougher. Chances are that people have more means of income and of course, the need to chill with the big boys keeps increasing, too run kiti kiti run kata kata, to bam bam with side chicks and to brag about days of hangovers keeps destabilising various medulla oblongatas. You may want to continue hanging out with boys and girls, nodding your black bullet rejuvenated head to some loud “Love Nwantinti” lyrics or even occupy some after dark roadside beer parlours in Gboko.
How about taking a beautiful ride away from home to meet the sweet bae that makes your temperature rise. Otukpo could be your plug. Whichever way you want the enjoyment, let me tell you how to make cool money as a political stakeholder. Unfortunately, I will only tell you two ways. So stay with me.
Yeah, so PDP has rescheduled their primary elections and here is an opportunity for you. APC too will follow. By all means, be a stakeholder. It doesn’t matter the party. The wisdom can be applied everywhere.
Number one, if your relative just died, you are at a safer side. Then you are lucky. Schedule a date for the burial before the primary elections. Send invitation letters to all the contestants. Did I just say an invitation letter? No, trash it. Send a date for the burial and wait for the magic. You would see cars and convoys you have never seen. People would think you have made it. My dear, it’s an opportunity to cash out. They are big men and they would not stay long. Give them some chilled drinks. That way, after the burial, there will be consignments to bam bam with.
Well, the second one is simple, perhaps if you didn’t lose anybody. You might have lost a mother, brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather, mamalawo, papalawo, sisterlawo or even your goat might have died before. Organise a death remembrance day for them, or another death anniversary. It doesn’t matter how long you have done it. What matters is that you are a comrade and a stakeholder. Invite them and thank me later.
Usually you should pay for this, but I am a concerned citizen. I want you to chill with the big boys at City bay and some After-dark joints in wurukum, makurdi. 
Thank you.

Your brother in Christ,

Aluta Kwantinua, Victoria Agasha🥴

Jairus Awo is a freelance Journalist covering mainly Climate, crisis and Humanitarian news in Nigeria. He writes from Benue States. His works are written in English and featured in HumAngle, TheCable, Climate Tracker. 

5 1 vote
Article Rating

Share this post

Wanna leave a reply?

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x