by: Maryam Lawal

This article is for men who are married or are intending husbands, for men who aspire to be baby daddies only, please take your chair elsewhere, tainkyu.

 It is worrisome that our society does very little to instill “marriageability” values in the male folks and this invariably affects the success and longevity of the marriages contracted  nowadays. As a man who will someday get married, you must understand that there are certain tricks that will help your marriage sail through trying storms. It is not enough that you feel that you are financially or emotionally ready or that you desire occasional head rubs and all the shenanigans that comes with marriage, No!. There is so much more to being an husband, much much more to being an excellent husband. Take your jotter and your pen and sit with me through this lecture.

One trick to sustaining your marriage is that you must understand the composite elements of your woman. You must understand that women are fickle beings generally and as such, you must be at the top of all your games always. I will discuss these in the succeeding paragraphs.

First off, a good husband must be proficient at cooking excellent meals that will continually whet his woman’s appetite for him. Don’t forget what I said earlier; women are fickle beings generally and as such, all it takes for your woman to be snatched away from you is a plate of sumptuous meal home cooked by a man like you. As trivial or as insignificant as this may sound, the inability of men to cook good meals according to research, is one of the leading causes of infidelity and divorce in marriages — don’t ask me for the statistics, the internet is there for everybody. A woman who is well fed, respected and loved will ignore all the catcalls she gets outside, or you think it is only you that have eyes for good things?

A good woman is hard to come by these days and if you are fortunate to secure one for yourself, you must thank your stars and guard your treasure jealously. You see, the devil will try to scatter your home but you must never allow him! You must stand gidigba against those sons of Jezebel who will stop at nothing to destroy your union. If you lose your wife to one of those tooth-pick legged men with great culinary skills out there because of your own poor cooking abilities, the shame is yours till eternity. You cannot cook ordinary egusi soup and you are saving up to pay bride price, Hellooo brother Kunle, whose daughter do you plan to mistreat?

Another thing that you should take note of is that you must learn how to be extremely patient with your woman. You must block out your emotional side to whatever hurt she causes you because what is a marriage without trials and tribulations, only a wise man will know how to put the situation under control. You must learn how to pacify your woman with words and actions. Your wife is brimming with anger and you are returning the same energy?, that is counterproductive, you must never do such. A good husband must know that in every home, one party will be the ewure by default while the other party should be the aguntan by common sense. It will be impossible if both parties are strong headed, it is only logical that the husband acts “the docile sheep” part for peace to reign in their home, be the bigger person —after all ,you all claim that no woman’s creation is without blemish —so Mr Perfect sir, kindly use your perfectly created self and wisdom to accommodate your woman’s seeming excesses. 

Women will always be  women, like our forefathers used to say. It is up to you as a man to devise clever schemes to tame your own wife, to win her heart irrevocably, however difficult, long and tedious the process may be. You must learn how to adjust to their flaws and their shortcomings because it is innate (I doubt if they are capable of self control). To enjoy the fruits of your marriage, you must put up with their excesses and emotional torture (may include a touch of infidelity too, who knows). You must do all these with unreserved patience, hope and faith in God that one day they will change. For the sake of your children, you mustn’t allow your wife’s excesses to disrupt the continuance of your marriage. Rather, you should channel your energy into raising your children appropriately because they are the reward for all your pain and suffering in the marriage and when they are all grown up and able, God’s willing, you will reap immense benefits from them to make up for all the past years of your endurance in your unhappy marriage.

All your tears and worry would no longer matter when you are eating the yam of your children (roast, boiled, fried- anyhow it is cooked), that should be the ultimate goal. Leave your wife to frolic around, there’s very little that a man can do when women wants to behave however they like, rather pray to God to touch her heart and return her to you. You see, that is what virtuous men do, the virtuous men of the Days of Old and it pays off one hundred percent, trust me. It is just sad that many of the men nowadays are not patient, they lack those beautiful values that our forefathers possessed which paid off for them. Woke culture will destroy things. 

In conclusion, a beautiful  marriage is to be coveted and should strive towards by every right thinking man, if not for anything, at least for your kids and for your reputation. It is shameful and is a huge dent on your name as a man, if you are unable to hold the pillars of your marriage together, a common marriage! It behoves on you as the man of the house to ensure that there are no loose bolts and nuts or cracks in the walls of your marriage and even if there are, you must cover them up, endure and pray them away. Masculinity these days, has gone far beyond the test of physical strength, it is now largely hinged on your ability to keep your family together in the face of tribulations, there is no excuse to allow for a divorce or separation because it is a shameful tag, who will marry a divorced man? In this age where divorce cases are rife, it is enviable to see strong marriages waxing even stronger, what makes you think that you cannot have such too? I will leave you, dear husbands and husbands to be, to a very sound adage of our forefathers which is instructive in this respect. It is translated loosely from Yoruba as; Patience is never too much, unless it wouldn’t even be enough. I hope and pray that you are imbued with unrelenting patience so that you can enjoy the fruits of your marriage. Amin.

No, no, it is nothing actually. Yeah, you are welcome.

Maryam Lawal is a writer and a final year law student at the Lagos State University. She has particular interest in writing fictions and personal essays. She receives mails at Maryamlawal026@gmail.com and tweets at maryamlawal_

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