… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our Allies

How to be an Okowa

How to be an Okowa

by: Kayode-Dada Ifeoluwa Lois

The world of politics births one entertaining act after another. In recent times, a certain hat-trick has been played right before our eyes by another uncommon governor. Nigerian politics is a breeding ground for various acts, hence such acts as the Tambuwal, the Akpabio, the Tinubu and more recently the “Okowa” are not new plays on the ever puzzling stage of politics.

The mystery of this hat-trick is still being analyzed, and in the interest of any career driven individual, this author has decided to give an authentic breakdown of the “Okowa” showdown. One thing about an “Okowa” is that they always win (if winning above all else is your thing, read carefully in between the lines). The “Okowa” act guarantees success in every field so we will love to share a step-by-step procedure that ensures you sink your claws in your goals (ticket). 

STEP 1: Define your goal

This step is crucial as it will direct all your plans and actions. It is noteworthy that you shouldn’t be vague – properly articulate your goal. For instance, if you want to be the Vice President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, you must recite it in the mirror everyday so you can work towards it. Remember, an Okowa no dey carry last, nor third nor second. 

STEP 2: Identify others that nurse the same ambition 

This step is even more crucial than the former, as it is the compass that leads you to victory. Now picking out all people who have a certain interest or ambition can be quite tedious–this is where a joint cause comes in.  

Find a suitable umbrella that is focused on championing a cause, join them. This step is particularly tricky because you have to ensure all your countrymen (opponents) are also under that umbrella, enter step 3.

STEP 3: Host a conference in your state to show your unwavering support 

It is very necessary to have all opponents under that umbrella without stirring up suspicion. This is why you must organize a splendid, warm and welcoming conference in your home state (what better way to show honesty, than to throw a nice party?). Afterwards, pledge your undying, unfading, unwavering and unrelenting support for that cause. 

STEP 4: Betray everybody!

Where there is a plan, there must be a better plan, and as an “Okow,a” you must always be the custodian of that better plan. Liaise with other stakeholders, secure your ticket and betray everybody. You don’t owe anyone anything. They all shouldn’t hate the player, but rather, hate the game (you are just an exceptional player, you no kill pesin pikin).

STEP 5: Deny everything   

You cannot be seen as dishonest for betrayal in politics – you are just trying to move forward in life. An “Okowa” must vehemently deny any accusation, however so blatant. Lie! Lie your way out of everything (wetin concern you, you have achieved your aim).

 STEP 6: Beg for forgiveness 

Being the godly “Okowa” that you are, you are a peace keeper. After denying and shutting down allegations, do make sure, you also beg your country men and explain to them that you were just trying to feed your family (nothing spoil o, ti yin oni baje o).

Remember, as a thinker in the Okowa school of thought, nothing must stop you from achieving your goal. Once you are successful, drive down to Asaba to drop a bag of kolanuts for your able mentor. 

Ifeoluwa’s perspective of the world is viewed from her petty lens. She finds presenting a caricature through satire sparks change. She can be contacted via Istagram @ifeoluwakayodedada, and via mail-idada818@gmail.com.

4.3 4 votes
Article Rating

Share this post

Wanna leave a reply?

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x