By: Abdulmalik Maryam Lolade
A lot of people have been so curious on how they can effectively navigate the terrain of being a Muslim sister in Nigeria. Muslim sisters in Nigeria are different from other Muslim sisters in the other parts of the globe. Care to know what distinguishes them? Want to know how to be a recognized Muslim sister in Nigeria? Relax! You will soon find out through the effective and potent tips I do have for you.
1. Exchange of greetings
Exchange of greetings and pleasantries must only be with your co-Muslim sisters. This is the number one sister-code you must never breach and must always live up to. You want to exchange greetings with those who are not up to your level in “Sistership“? O fe blow ni? Awuzubillah! You cannot do that as a Muslim sister. Only ladies who adorn the Hijab are entitled to your greetings. Never must you make mistake of greeting the ones who just throw their veil over their heads. Kai! Always remember the word “Sister” is reserved for those who adorn themselves with the Hijab, not for “veil users.”
2. Public etiquette
Entering the same cab with guys is a taboo. Don’t even dare. I repeat don’t! As a Muslim sister, you are not expected to enter same means of transportation with the opposite sex. In fact, if you are already in a cab and other passengers want to board same vehicle with you, especially if they are guys, you must alight my sister. Do you want to stain your sisterhood? No? Then you must alight wherever you are, even if you’ve been waiting for hours to get that cab under scorching sun. Remember, heaven is the goal.
3. Iron not thy garment
Ironing is a crucial feature of the “never to-do” list of the Muslim Sister. Ironing of your clothing is a taboo. You must never do it. Do not even dare pressing your garment. You look more beautiful and decent in a neatly-rumpled dress. Ironing attracts the opposite gender see you in your beautiful form and you know that’s indecent. Hence, you must make sure never to iron any of your clothings even when you are to go for an interview. Decency must always be the watch-word.
4. Sneakers, the identity card
To complete the formalities of the Muslim sister dress etiquette, you must always rock your dressing with sneakers. What completes a sister’s dressing is nothing but a good pair of sneakers. When you put on your dress and complement it with sneakers, you don’t need any other verification, you are a in league with Muslim sisters already.
5. Rock that tote bag.
Yeah! You read that right. You need to get a tote bag with your name beautifully inscribed on it preferably in Arabic. You may decide to use nicknames too like “Ummu Basma‘” or “Ummu Romlah,” amongst other pseudonyms. The tote bag is the perfect initiation symbol into the coveted realms of Muslim Sisterhood. Forget not.
6. Always exclaim in Arabic
When something of surprise or unexpected happenings happen, you must exclaim using Arabic wordings. What is OMG? Sister! Haba, O wrong nau. You must only utter words like “Subhanallah!” “Ya Rahman!.” Your goal is Jannah, so you must always adhere to speaking the language of its inhabitants, yeah? Do not allow the wrong exclamations mess up your drip.
7. “Brotherlize” the opposite gender
The opposite gender must always be addressed as “Brother”. The Almighty has created them different from you for a reason, so you, the mortal, must always give credence to that difference. If you do have a male friend or colleague either in school or at work, then you must add brother to their respective names. How can you just call Abdullah gbaga just like that? Common, that’s disrespectful to the sisterhood.
So, Jameelah, if you wanna bambam or you wanna chill with the Nigerian Muslim Sisters, hence your reason of running kitikiti dey run katakata, these tips are for you. You see how the thing goes, yeah? If these tips do not fall into your convenience, then you aren’t ready to be a Muslim Sister in 9ja. Thank me not, I do these things for the hood.
Abdulmalik Maryam Lolade is an alluring and prolific writer, a law undergraduate and law zealot. She receives mails on amaryamlolade@gmail.com.
No loud am sister.
On a serious note, this is actually a great one.
I understand this is supposed to be satire, and there should be exaggeration and use of puns and all that, but this is overdone and misrepresentative, and could be potentially misleading. That aside your use of language, pun and word flow is very good.
Omo, you be real daughter of the hood.???.
Keep it up. I like it.
You write well Maryam, you are good. But this is overfilled with stereotypes Fr. Maybe you could be more open minded and get more genuine info on what you dabbled in. To see why certain things are how they are. And it’s good you are Muslim (presuming from your name), you can clear those misconceptions.
I find this really extreme. This should not even come under the disguise of pun intended. It’s pure stereotype and these things should not be portrayed this way, because it further supports this belief in other people. Hold your hatred or misconceptions to yourself. Don’t spread hate.
This comes short of a satire and at best it remains prejudicial of faith which surprisingly the writer seems to be from. A satire should at least come from a point of knowledge not ignorance this is also dealing with the fact most of the things which are represented as the actions of a “Nigerian muslim sister” portrayed in this piece cuts across that geographic scope into various fundamental tenets of the religion(Islam) brought into ridicule by this writer is observed by many female muslims across the globe, this is not only tragic but an unfortunate and disastrous write-up by… Read more »
You want to bam bam? Is that supposed to be a language of a supposed Muslim sister lmaooo
Yeah, pun intended, but this content is very very misleading and delusive. BTW, matters of religion shouldn’t be dabbled into without knowledge and understanding of the issue, let alone be an article of “joke”. You write fine, an itsy bitsy teeny weeny research about what you want to write won’t hurt you. Seek knowledge. May Allah make it easy for you. Also, pls stay away from writing about things relating to religion, especially when it’s intended for amusement. May Allah ease your affairs. “And if you ask them, they will surely say, ‘We were only conversing and playing.’ Say, ‘Is… Read more »