Governor State of Osun, Ogbeni Rauf Adesoji Aregbesola, declared at the weekend while addressing a delegate from the Nigeria Union of Teachers (NUT) Osun State Chapter that the payment of all owed salaries by the State Government had commenced. “We have commenced the payment of all owed arrears. The catch: all 2019 salaries and bonuses — from January to December — are being paid too in advance.”

In a 30-minute speech delivered by the political maverick, he profusely apologised, “We are sorry for any inconveniences we might have caused our workers. We are deeply sorry. It was a situation beyond our control. As you all know, China has been having a lot of dreadful environmental issues and there was a disastrous hurricane in the United States. All these, among others, put us in a very tight situation that we couldn’t just find our way around.”

He went on to emphatically state, “My people love me. They want me to remain in power, even beyond 2018. In fact, they are not unwilling to go against all democratic processes to reinstate me in the forthcoming elections. Although I cannot contest again, they will find a way themselves to make that happen.”

The Governor, toward the end of his speech, went ahead to promise, “Plans are already in the pipeline to start sending our teachers to Cuba. We have noticed that our inefficient payment of salaries for the past two years has negatively impacted on their psyche.” “We understand they may have to go to Cuba to learn some novel dance steps like Salsa and to breathe in its fresh air to be able to regain their sanity,” he concluded.

Mrs. Folaremi Ajanlekoko, a teacher at Agbalowomeeri Community Grammar School, who our reporter interviewed at the end of the programme, was however full of skepticism for the promises of the Governor. “Our governor talks more than he does. This is not the first time he would be making such groundbreaking promises only to renege on them. Nevertheless, we love him and we want him to remain in power for as long as he wishes,” she said, with a smile flashing across her face.


Caveat: This is purely a fictional piece of Satire. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.