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Unseriously Serious

FACTCHECK: Are Nigerian youth lazy as Buhari claimed? ― YES!

FACTCHECK: Are Nigerian youth lazy as Buhari claimed? ― YES!

[Okay, maybe fact check isn’t exactly the word I’m looking for… but read on anyway]

So it has been one scandal after another for Sai Baba in the past week, creating a big window for disgruntled folks to jump into conjectures and conclusions ― as usual. The one that stands out like Mr President when he is flanked by the governor of Kaduna, former governor of Edo or perhaps his professorial deputy, is the issue of lazy Nigerian youth. By Allah, baba is really patient. The fact that no one has gone to jail yet despite all that has happened and been said shows that he has been truly democratised. No doubt, the head that wears a crown must also occasionally wear a frown.

They say they said he said Nigerians are lazy, without first confirming from the footage. But, of course, he did not say that. He only said a lot of young Nigerians sit at home, sow nothing, while expecting bountiful harvests. But, hey, even if he said the youth are lazy, how is that even a problem? Is it not true? Let me tell you, the first confirmation that you are all lazy is that you even have the time to react to Mr President’s statements on the social media.

Or is it from your workplaces that you have been typing rants and epistles on Facebook and Twitter? If you all really have jobs, you won’t even know your President is in London – let alone that he said so and so about you. Joke is on you, people.

Some jobless people even went ahead to make T-Shirts out of the saga. I am sure they gave the contract to their friends in China who produce beautiful shirts. Surely, no Nigerian youth is capable of such sophisticated industry. Even those who blogged about it are all jobless! Linda Ikeji and the rest of them. Who doesn’t know blogging is what lazy, unemployed people use to while away time and express their lazy thoughts. Mtcheew.

When Mr President contested in 2015 and he saw how millions of young Nigerians trooped out for his campaigns and how they occupied the social media to ensure he becomes victorious, it was then he realised how massive the problem is. All those young Nigerians who campaigned vigorously for him are lazy. If not, they would have concentrated on their works instead. I am sure they in fact supported him because he promised to give them free N5000 monthly stipends. Nigerians! All they want is free money.

Take a look at the Nigerian youth who “trekked for Buhari” in 2015. Take a look at the Buharists and their counterparts on the social media and places like Nairaland. Take a look at the Al-Majiris in Mr President’s local government. Take a look at those scamming the N-Power scheme. Take a look at government workers who do nothing from dawn to dusk, yet shout like the Jabari tribesmen when salary is delayed by a week.

Take a look at those who stole the mace from the Senate only to deposit it under a flyover bridge the next day. Take a look at the young person next to you. In fact, take a look at yourself ― no, no, look again. What are you presently doing? Now, tell me we are all not lazy.

If I had a job, you think I will have time to write the previous 500 words? Let us not kid ourselves, people. This is a country of lazy people. It is our culture, our way of living. It is how we thrive. It is what makes us who we are – Nigerians. Even Mr President, upright has he is, has got infected somehow. If you did not know, Twitter was inspired by a lazy Nigerian youth, who thought writing long articles was too much work. I can’t remember his name now. Today, the most active users of the platform are none but lazy Nigerians ― having hashtags for breakfast, savage subs for lunch, and for whom shaking innocent tables in the best exercise in the world.

Nigerians are so lazy they have been shouting, “I deserve some accolades! I paid my dues! I deserve some accolades!” up and down, whereas even house rent and tax they have not paid. There is one youth who, every damn day, goes to the social media to say “somethn’ just happen right now”, and he says he is employed.

Yet, there is another one who has been carrying the same bag and wearing the same white shirt and tie for more than three years. He is busy venting his anger up and down instead of finding a good job. Truth be told, it’s like even Boko Haram boys have become lazy, though thanks to God for that one ― and, not to forget, to Mr President too.

If Nigerian youth are not lazy, they should prove it by getting their PVCs and voting next year. But, I am sure, they cannot even muster the strength to do that. You will see. It is only shout we know how to shout. Maybe when Mr President said we only sit at home, he was even referring metaphorically to the social media ― the new home of the Nigerian young folk.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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