By: Gbemisola Ibrahim
Where I come from, rice is a must-have meal at home. As an original bred Nigerian, you must eat this food at least three times in a week or you die. Our existence depends on it. It is the air we breathe.
Rice, a food that can be made in different colors and flavours, is a necessity in Nigerian parties. God knows what your aim would be if you are planning a Nigerian party without a form of rice or the entire rice menu at your party. Is that how things are done? Didn’t your parents teach you good manners?
This rice, I must tell you, is a boring food. When it is cooked plain white, you would think about getting your stew or sauce with a bottle of chilled Coke to fulfill all your stomach’s dreams with a satisfying belch.
For me, the best form is the jollof rice. Oh my sweet sweet jollof. It has the power to make a crying baby do a double take. Its color red or orange, depending on how well the cook communicates with the invisible world, is a sight never to be forgotten and the only smell that defeats physiology. It is permanent and heavenly especially if it is covered with smoky steam leaving one’s mouth empty of salivation.
This food will determine how well your party succeeded by the end of an event because party jollof will either make or mar you. Choose wisely!
It shouldn’t be heard that after accumulating debts for a well-to-do party, your guests went home hungry or did not eat enough party jollof. Dear friend, avoid solicited curses.
Jollof rice is at its best when scooped from the bottom of the pot. It is a lifetime experience, one you have to work hard for. You have to put on a wide and not-too-flashy smile on your face to persuade whoever is in charge of the best part of this rice not to add soapy water to the mix.
It is quite ungodly that one has the tendency of acting like a thief when you see leftover jollof rice the following day after a party. Most Nigerians have sold their lives in exchange for this taste of fulfillment and some Ghanaians would dare compare the Nigerian jollof with theirs?
As I mentioned earlier, Nigerians literally eat rice everyday. This is awesome news because the hospitals will earn more capital and her health specialists will have more work to do and more money to spend, of course.
Where I come from, before you complete the word “Sick,” everyone has already screamed “God forbid; it will never be my portion.” They will refer to all the chants, Qur’anic and Bible verses they know on an issue their subconscious can’t deny. The habitual eating of this food can lead to a variety of risks and they come in flavours such as Constipation, Type 2 Diabetes, Inflammation, heart diseases, amongst others. To top it all, one might not be able to afford the healthcare. We are living a cheap life in Nigeria; just that Nigerians itch for expensive things that can cause death. Ever heard of “something must kill a man”? If you haven’t, you haven’t met a Nigerian.
Due to how Nigerians abuse the staple food, our fathers decided to ban its importation to bring a boost in finance, job security, and the love for Nigerian-made rice to her citizens. I promise, Nigerian rice is absolutely stone-free.
Currently, imported rice is still very much in the country. How it got here is God’s doing. No man can achieve such feats. To crown it all, both the local and foreign rice have now become a burden. Some Nigerians can no longer afford daily meals, talk more of rice. What exactly is the plan? Who is constricting our airflow?
Feature image credit: Zikoko.com