… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
You must have read D.O. Fagunwa’s account of a confrontation between protagonist Akara-ogun and an egbere – a being of the forest of the spirit-beings – in Ogboju ode ninu igbo irunmale. I’m not asking too much of you, am I? In that classic (that I consider the greatest work of Yoruba fiction), the egbere in responding to a mockery of his moaning lambasted mankind for being the architect of the countless troubles bedevilling the earth. The egbere race having taken to heart the plight of humanity cannot help but to #occupytheforest with their loud moaning and dripping noses. Humans being humans continue to disregard them and subject them to unwarranted mockery and insults. That has not stopped the egbere race from lamenting the tragedy that is human life.
You must also understand the writer. He speaks of peace but his words project as chants of war. He tries not to hurt anyone but you know the truth dey hot somehow somehow. He tries to make you laugh away your being Nigerian but also invites you to put on your thinking cap, rethink and tinker with your thoughts and perspectives. He seeks to make sense, but the issues he writes about can be utterly senseless – as they should not obtain in a sane clime like Nigeria.
In essence, this column is a continuation of the lamentations of the egbere over the tragedy of merely being a Nigerian and a call to think like Akara-ogun did.
In the aftermath of the small matter of Naira Marley’s flight from Lagos to Abuja and back, from the depth of oblivion you appeared on our airwaves to attack a gentleman who doubles as a president and a role model to many progressive and patriotic Nigerians. That was not just it. You went on to make the absurd insinuation that there may be elements of the Marlian World Oder (MWO) movement in the esteemed Buhari government.
Today, I do not intend to denigrate or bring to ridicule the president of a crippled giant of a blessed continent like most satirists and unpatriotic Nigerians do. It is my sole aim to bring to light an exploit of the president that is often overlooked – a feat that by now should have found its way into the Guinness Book of World Records if Nigeria is a country that is appreciative of the efforts expended by her leaders.
Every year, billions of money that the can break the jaw of a counter are allocated for my manicure and pedicure in the budget. Those monies are always too blind to locate me. The only place they know is the coffers of the same old corrupt politicians. The little that manages to locate me is usually shared with contractors who are always keen on having the lion’s share. Hence, my dreadful state!
In Nigeria, an upgrade, no matter how insignificant it appears, calls for a rechristening. When you roam about Facebook, for instance, you may come across a Kande Kurushepe going by the new name of Yummy-Kandy Krueger-Sheks. Why? She has now acquired a cheap made-in-China Brontel Android phone and has caught up with the teeming webizens of the 21st century on the World Wide Web.
This year’s 29th day of May is significant as it is on this day five years ago that Buhari declared the mother of all wars on corruption. His acceptance speech on that historic day in May 2015 marked the gradual death of Corruption. The story was told of how Mr Corruption could not withstand the superior firepower of Buhari’s highly motivated anti-corruption soldiers.
Dear Sir, Being the sharpshooter (that misses most times), that I am, I like to (and would) hit my target without much […]
It is no surprise that the incredibly strong compliance with the measures put in place by the government to curb the spread of the COVID-19 pandemic has gone unnoticed, unpublicised and, as expected, un-lauded. It is my intention to cast light on same and to perhaps inspire other states to follow suit in what will most likely go on to be dubbed the “Taraba Example”.
I am sure that you are aware that your state governors have found us a nuisance to be decisively dealt with. We have suddenly become unfit to remain in those states. Since cattle business no longer thrives at the moment, trailers used in conveying cattle are now being used to farm us out of the respective states. After all, we are regarded as being only a bit better than maalu.
When COVID-19 stepped on the much-chronicled city of Kano, inhabitants treated it like any other Chinese export or visitor. A troupe of traditional singers and dancers was sent to welcome it amidst jubilation and fanfare. No kobo was spent from the state’s coffers; they have Gandollar’s dollars to thank for that. A novelty football game tagged “Corona Match” was held in honour of the guest of honour. There, Social-Distancing and Stay-Home orders were defiled before, during, and after the game.
The Holy Book, The Glorious Book and the divine inscriptions indelibly etched in the minds of our elders have unanimously called us to mourn the dead alongside their families and to give them befitting burials. But what if the said leader is a Nigerian (leader)? – A name more corrupt than corruption itself. How should we mourn them?
