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Becoming a rich Nigerian graduate

Becoming a rich Nigerian graduate

By: Aniebiet Philip Effiong  

Becoming a rich Nigerian graduate is the dream of every Nigerian student.

In your country, finding a job as a graduate is like finding a needle in a haystack. It is either you become a corrupt Politician, or a fake Pastor to become rich. Or, better still, return from NYSC to learn tailoring or, you get a mini-bus and start hustling.

Are you in need of a cool job that can fetch you cool cash on a daily basis?

A job you can sit at the comfort of your parlour to do without stress?

There are jobs you don’t need to sweat before earning your pay. You don’t necessarily have to carry cement blocks on your head for builders at sites to build a tower, nor sell gala on the street of Rumokoro before we know of how hardworking you are. ‘Hard work or softwork, all na hustle. Na money you dey find’.

Forget what you studied in school. Does it matter?. Afterall a lawyer is the minister of power in Your country. No one is interested in what you studied. Keep your degree. Nigeria is not interested in it. 

Here is one of the ways of becoming rich as a Nigerian graduate. First of all, you have to be very smart for your business to be lucrative. You can find one Lagos bred who has Lagos blood in him and make friend with him. Or a boy who bears Chinedu, Emeka or Uche and stays in Lagos. I heard smartness is contagious. Get close to him. Have connections with them. Don’t you know that the only thing that works well in Nigeria is connection?

Think of one influential or great personality, create an account of him. Someone like E. A. Adeboye would do. This is just a suggestion. The list of revered personalities is endless. Do this using a common social media platform like facebook where literates, illiterates, exposed, unexposed are found.

Download his photos from the internet, use his recent photo as the profile picture. Make sure you carefully browse for his accurate details so as to help you create his profile – this is very important – it becomes a valid account once we see accurate details about him.

Don’t be in a hurry to add friends, especially those ones without profile pictures. Big men don’t rush to add people. People rush to add them.

Keep posting things like ’50 people will have N1m before the end of this month. To claim this type amen’. Wait and see the number of amens you will see as comments within an hour. Nigerians, it doesn’t matter the number of times they’ve gone across such post(s), they’ll still comment with amen hoping for a testimony. They love miracles. A Nigerian God blesses people who have faith. He blesses those who don’t work hard.

You will see friend requests troop in. Most of them, like those whose profile says ‘ Studied at Ghana, Lives in Uyo, worked at student’ will become your gullible customers while some might ignore your business. Never worry, its business, some will patronise, some won’t. When you accept their requests don’t be surprised to see words like ‘tanx for ur acceptation daddy’, ‘thanks for accept my friend request’ on your timeline.

Don’t joke with friends like these, they are the ones with the money you’ve been waiting for. Send messages of blessings and positive proclamations to as many that will add you. Make it as catchy as possible. This will serve as a bait. They will respond with amen. By this, you’ve gotten their attention. Nigerians love prophecies. It works for them.

Tell them you had a vision about them the previous night. By this, they’ll be glued to your subsequent messages. From there you explain to them what to do so as to activate the blessings the Lord had kept for them. Tell them you’re currently running an orphanage home God had entrusted into your hands. Quote some sweet and powerful seed sowing verses from the Bible for them. That verse that says ‘give and it shall come back to you…’ may sound cliche. Don’t act as if you’ve never been to church before; as if you’ve never heard the words your Pastor uses in pulling out crowd into paying their tithes. Remember you’re now a Daddy. If need be, there is google. Make it your friend.

Organise people who will drop beautiful comments of testimonies on your timeline. People who will write how they got healed of their cancer, fibroid and other ailments through your online prayers. Their narrative has to be detailed and touchy to attract other gullible Nigerians.

Never be in a hurry to drop your account number along with the message, I mean the account number of the orphanage home. Just attach the Lagos boy’s phone number below the message. He’ll know what to do when calls come in. Sit and watch the calls come in as you make your cool cash. You are a Nigerian, and this is one of the Nigerian ways of making money.

Note. You have to delete that account once you’re done with that set of miracle seekers. Block them. You don’t need them again.

Create a new account with another name and continue your work. This time, maybe as an actor or as a result upgrader (WAEC, NECO, JAMB). They will still fall into it. All you need do is just change your name. To something like;

Balogun Temitayo

Alj. Mohammed Ibrahim

Names are much. Think of something.

Tell them you work in JAMB office and that you have direct access to the database.

Tell them how to gain admission into a Nigerian University without jamb. Tell them how you can upgrade jamb score from 100 to 280. They will believe you. They love shortcuts. They love miracles. You’ll see them slide into your inbox to express their grievances and sorrows. They will sound frustrated. Don’t forget that the rate of failure this year is high. They want to attend University by force. They think that a Nigerian graduate is a god.

Play your cards well. They’ll send whatever you say.

If EFCC comes knocking at your door, tell them the year you graduated from the University, tell them there is no job in Nigeria. Tell them its what You do for a living, since you can’t turn to a rodent to drag seat with the President, nor become a snake to swallow thirty-six million Naira. Tell them you’ll give them one million naira, then you are free. That is not bribery, you are just settling them.

This piece was published by Tush Stories on August 23, 2019. You can follow the author, Aniebiet Philip Effiong, on Twitter @aniebieteffion8.

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