by: Alex Omenye

Everything the House of Reps decides to do, l am in support of it. The house of Reps is currently considering a bill to ban crossdressing in Nigeria. When passed into law, the bill will punish crossdressers with six months in prison or N500K as fine. I love this bill. You know why? Crossdressers are more dangerous than terrorists. We know terrorists and what they are capable of, but we are not certain when it comes to crossdressers. 

Last Tuesday, a rep member, Muda Umar, APC, Bauchi state, sponsored a bill that, when passed into law, will punish crossdressers. The bill, which is an amendment of the Same-Sex (Prohibition) Act, only allows “bona fide” entertainers to crossdress. I don’t know what Umar means by bona fide, he will have to explain more as the plenary goes on. 

At a time when inflation is reaching the high heavens, corruption is at it’s peak, and the Nigerian security crisis seems irredeemable, Umar is concerned with who wears what. You may be shocked at Umar’s concerns, but l am not. I mean, this guy is trying to make Nigeria better by how we dress. You can’t be wearing a woman’s attire as a guy and not pose a threat to the national security of our great country. Of course, you’re posing a significant threat to the security of Nigeria, and in the spirit of patriotism like Umar, we will not let you get away again. 

A week before Umar sponsored that honourable bill, a train carrying more than 900 people en route from Abuja to Kaduna was bombed by terrorists. Chinelo Megafu, a young Nigerian like Umar was among those killed by terrorists on that train. I know why Umar didn’t call for the resignation of the minister of transport, the inspector general of Police, the chairman of the NRC. Crossdressing poses more threats than the continued stay of people whose duty was to protect the citizens they offer services to and they failed. Tell me why crossdressing shouldn’t be banned in Nigeria? The terrorists that attacked that train were crossdressed, and the security agencies mistook them for market women. The people looting our commonwealth have always crossdressed, and that has always made them to escape the eyesight of the EFCC. Crossdressers are to blame for unemployment and skyrocketing inflation. So tell me, why won’t crossdressing be banned in Nigeria?

Four hundred eighty-six people were killed by terrorists in the first three weeks of 2022, and do you know why these terrorists were able to escape getting caught by the security agencies? they were crossdressed and were using their guns as walking sticks. Thousands of people have lost their lives to terrorists and many have been displaced, but the most bothering Umar is how a man or a woman is dressed. I understand what 36 years old Umar, one of the youngest lawmakers in the National Assembly, is trying to do. The freedom that comes with dressing in whatever attire you desire is what Umar found out to be the cause of the unpatriotic dispositions of Nigerians. With the bill, when crossdressing is banned, Nigerians will become more patriotic towards their fatherland. 

The bill will also reduce the cost of living, enhance security, na the crossdressers be the criminals, and solve the problem of corruption in Nigeria. What this bill will do is tremendous. More power to Umar’s elbow. When he is he done with this bill, he should also sponsor a bill that gives the senators and house of reps power to sleep audaciously during plenary. They are doing a great service to the country. The least we can reward them with is allowing them to sleep during duty. They’re trying. Let them sleep joor.

Crazy things are happening, and we haven’t seen the last of it.  

Alex Omenye (Twitter @_UncleAlex) is a young Nigerian undergrad in a bitter-sweet relationship with Nigeria. When he is not reading and writing, he is on Twitter sharing his opinions on politics, tech and everything that concerns young Nigerians

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