By: Adedimeji Quayyim Abdul-Hafeez
This day the Lord drenches my beats in visions. This pulpit has proclaimed the Lord’s goodness and happenings before they occur – from the scores of football matches to how presidents of different countries would die before the months of the year run out. In the Prayer Room before I mounted this altar, the Spirit downloaded the visions and updates my revelation in new software to preach the gospel of full-house-husbandism. No dictionary deciphers the language of the spirit, ladies and gentlemen. Only the Lord’s chosen are shown the miracles in the haven of thy Lord.
The Lord has heard the woes of your suffering. Seeing Okada men jiggling their bikes for dredges of petrol as the fuel pump runs out and filling stations looking like ghost houses saddens the heavens. The handwriting of your suffering reflects and I have come to preach the message that my Lord is a good and rich Lord.
Brethren, divorces are on the high rise in this House. Husbands now show their strength by beating their wives to demonstrate their superiority. This is against the order of the world. Look at Delilah who used her wisdom to conquer the strength of Samson. We should not incur the wrath of the daughters of Eve. We should dedicate our to the Lord’s work by fulfilling their wishes in servitude. Amen?
Brethren, the first code to sustenance and heavenly blessings is to call your wife “Mummy”. Enough of the “darling,” “honey” nonsense. Do the house chores and keep Mummy happy, okay? What good does the world offer when Mummy is not happy?
When Mummy is going to work, do well to wash her car. Cook food for Mummy. See Mummy off. Bathe the children. Show thy enemies that your bond was made from heaven. Put them to shame for they said your bond is shaky, cauterized in the altars of Idanre Hills, not in the white kingdoms of heaven. Take care of Mummy’s wants and watch the bounties of the heavens shower on your being.
Women are good finance managers. Put your money in Mummy’s hands and you are sure that they are in good hands. Collect money to fill the gas. To buy provisions. The riches of thy Lord embellishes his creatures who fulfill his wishes.
On this note, I would sound in a note of warning. The society would try to coerce you into not “loving” Mummy. Your relatives would tell you about being under fetish spells of Mummy’s babalawo. Tell them you are only a servant fulfilling the Lord’s work. Heavenly Fire! You shall fulfill the wordings of the gospel. No weapon fashioned against you by your enemies shall prosper. The will of the Lord shall come into fulfillment.
The Lord forbids promiscuity. Beware of this, brethren, for we are all fulfilling God’s work. Don’t be a Zaddy by sharing what belongs only to Mummy. The Lord abhors such. Switch off those hotspots. Do not allow these acts truncate the real hustle. Amen?
Esteemed Lord’s servants, these commandments do not apply to me, for I am a servant in the Lord’s vineyard. I am the Lord’s chosen. My jet is fully insured in the Lord’s blessings, while your rickety bikes still need the Lord’s mercies and wonders. They apply to you — a being full of sins. Take to the Lord’s commandments and you shall be blessed.
People of of the Lord, enemies would want to truncate the spiritual hustle by criticizing the extent of these commandments to yourselves and not to me. Remember, I am the Lord’s chosen. Ye do not know the purity the spirit fills me with using the Lord’s embers. I’m free from sins. You glow in sins. That makes the difference — I am free from your glow and you glow from what I am free from.
Eeeiii. Shabadukabar. Do the Lord’s commandments not choke?
Receive glory. There is someone in this gathering looking for admission, and by the power of my heavenly fathers, the person shall get it. My Lord does not watch his servants suffer. My Lord does not act in vain. Amen?!
Brethren, abide by my Lord’s commandments, and start a fulfilling career as full-time house husbands. The Almighty is tipping the balance, to show us that destiny lies in the hands of our Mummies. Do this, and this nation is on its path to prosperity.
Grace, enshroud me. Blessings, ooze all over me.
Adedimeji Quayyim Abdul-Hafeez is a creative, journalist and law enthusiast. He currently serves as the President of the Union of Campus Journalists and Students’ Union Bar Association, both at the University of Ilorin. He receives mails on email@example.com and directs the Ministry of Flex, Vibes and Creativity on Twitter via @quayyimbakr.